AMAZING scenes, enthusiastically recorded and promoted online this week, for Scotland’s sole elected Ukipper, David Coburn. The MEP was given a standing ovation before he had even spoken at a recent meeting in Arras, which he addressed in his best Ted Heath French. Taken aback - but plainly enjoying his ecstatic welcome - Mr Coburn reflected sadly in the subtitles: “Ah, it’s a shame this is not my party!” Only because they’ve met you, David.

IN case you’re wondering what kind of crowd goes bonkers for David Coburn, it was a conference for Les Patriotes, a new far-right outfit led by MEP Florian Philippot. Currently an Independent, for five years until 2017 Monsieur Philippot was vice president of the Front National, and a key aide to its leader, Marine Le Pen. So it was that kind of charming mob.

NAT MSP Kenny Gibson ripped into the new Tory TV broadcast on Wednesday. Too couthy to be credible, he told Holyrood. The next should feature Tory MSPs like “Donald Cameron, 27th Lochiel, discussing the trials and tribulations of being a clan chief, or debating Alexander Burnett whether Harrow’s polo team was better than Eton’s, Sir Edward Mountain bewailing the difficulties of finding a good butler, or Peter Chapman wistfully reminiscing about the four farms he jointly owned.” Curiously, this did not go down well with Team Blue.

TIFF of the week featured James Dornan’s Ipad. The plucky tablet was at the centre of a bizarre Twitter spat about its wallpaper. The SNP MSP’s detractors claimed he was using a massive picture of himself, cropped from a banner held up by Celtic fans to protest against the SNP’s Offensive Behaviour at Football Act. Not true, Mr Dornan, a Celtic fan, insists. It’s his face on the banner plus Nicola Sturgeon and some cops next to him. He’s so modest.

THE SNP were in high dudgeon on Tuesday over a Unionist “no show”. Labour, Tory and the LibDems all missed a meeting of the Commons Scottish Affairs Committee in Kirkcaldy. It “speaks volumes about their priorities”, fumed Nat Deidre Brock. The committee’s SNP chair, Pete Wishart, seemed less animated, however. Perhaps that’s because the very next night he missed a Commons vote to be at the Brit Awards. He even Tweeted a selfie of himself with fellow Nats Drew Hendry and Kirsty Blackman showing exactly where their priorities lay.

CHILDCARE minister Maree Todd has a strange way of making friends in the media. Fresh from visiting a smoke-free facility at Polmont young offenders, she gave two grizzled hacks the super-nanny treatment as they tried to spark up a gasper outside Holyrood. How different things were at Polmont, she lectured them. She left the pair feeling she was worse than Fulton Mackay’s screw trying to deprive Ronnie Barker of his precious “snout” in Porridge.

WHEN in doubt, blame Thatcher. That was health minister Aileen Campbell’s approach when she endured an excruciating interview with Channel 4 News about Scotland’s appalling drugs death rate. Looking panicky under Jon Snow’s polite questioning, she pointed the blame in part at “the economic policies of the 1980s”. Reminded that her Government had now been in power for more than a decade, with little improvement, she promised a “reviewed and refreshed approach”. How reassuring.