WITH thousands of zombies due to descend on Glasgow in the coming days, Scotland's leading expert on the undead has shared his top tips for survival.
Glasgow University lecturer Doctor Austin, the tongue-in-cheek creation of university science communicator and actor Austin Lowe, will host spoof lecture Zombie Science 1Z at the Centre for Contemporary Arts in Glasgow next Wednesday.
It’s a timely event given Hollywood star Brad Pitt is currently filming post-apocalyptic zombie flick World War Z in the city.
And in an interview with The Herald ahead of the sold-out show, Dr Austin took the opportunity to clear up some common myths about the brain eating, lumbering cadavers.
“Obviously movies are intended to entertain rather than inform and that’s OK,” he said. “However as a professional actor I’m sure Brad will benefit from learning the true science behind these movie monsters.”
This, he said, included the notion that all zombies are flesh-eating cannibals. “Zombies are known for being fond of eating human flesh and brains. Medically, though, there is nothing that can happen to your brain that can make you want to only eat living flesh,” said Dr Austin.
“What can happen to your brain, though, is that a part can get damaged leading to hypoplasia. This is similar to what happens when someone smokes cannabis, an effect called ‘the munchies’. It makes you want to keep eating because you don’t feel full.
“In short, zombies have an extreme case of the munchies. Although they would happily eat the body of a person if they came across it, they would likely eat other normal foods too such as fruit and vegetables. It’s always best to keep a safe distance, though, because they wouldn’t hesitate to have a go at eating you.”
When attempting to survive a zombie attack, he advised against adopting methods seen in films and television shows -- and indeed on the streets of Glasgow yesterday as filming continued.
“The first thing is not to panic,” he said. “It is important not to run about bludgeoning people’s skulls left, right and centre. If, for example, you bludgeon your zombie granny to death today and then we develop a cure tomorrow you are going to look silly and feel quite embarrassed.”
At present, he added, there is no real cause for alarm with the official threat level from The Ministry of Zombies currently moderate. “We tend to see higher levels of zombies around the end of October,” said Dr Austin.
He urged vigilance, however. “All the symptoms are listed on our website. If anyone does spot something suspicious or has any concerns they should get in touch. Here at the Zombie Institute we are always available for call-outs.”
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