Tea leaf

AH we haven't had a court story for a while. Gordon Currie tells us: "Pubs, casinos and your local branch of Cafe Nero might expect to have a band of regulars, but it seems sheriff courts can be added to that list. The diligent volunteers manning the charity coffee bar at Perth Sheriff Court were somewhat taken aback this week when a familiar looking worthy asked - in all seriousness - if they did loyalty cards as he was such a frequent visitor to the premises."

A dog's life

FORRES has been named Scotland's Most Beautiful High Street. We recall when a Glasgow couple went into the Tourist Information Centre on the High Street in Forres and asked if there was self-catering accommodation locally where they could have a separate room for their dog. The assistant wasn't sure and asked if the dog couldn't just share a room with the couple. The husband helpfully explained that no, the dog wouldn't settle as his wife snored too much.

Making a splash

A BIG dod of reminiscing as Jim Coley continues our tales of BB fitba' with: "Glasgow Green in the 60s in November. The rainwater was gathering in small lochans. Three of our BB team were short-sighted and played wearing glasses. The ball is humped up the park and lands spinning in a large puddle. A team-mate and I plunge into the puddle from opposite sides swinging wildly. We both emerge unable to see anything with puddle water streaming off our glasses. The ball continues to spin happily in the middle. Skill and the ability to trap a bag of cement were not prerequisite for getting selected. The ages simply had to add up to 165 or less so that no team consisted entirely of hairy-legged 17-year-olds."

Doesn't add up

A GOLFER in Ayrshire was telling fellow members in the clubhouse that his five-year-old grandson asked him if he could caddy for him. Continued the golfer: "I told him that he had to be able to count as he would have to keep my score, so I asked him what 6 and 5 were. He said 9, so I told him he's definitely got the job."

Bit of a twit

THE messaging network Twitter keeps an up-to-date list at the side of the page on what subjects and personalities people are talking about the most. As sharp-tongued entertainer Bette Midler commented this week: "It's getting so if I see a name trending on Twitter, I'm relieved to see they didn't sexually harass anyone, they just died."

Bit fishy

SO we finally saw former Scottish Labour leader Kezia Dugdale searching through fish guts last night on I'm A Celebrity in the Australian jungle. As Neil Sutherland encouragingly put it: "To think that if Kezia can swallow the 'Better Together' line, then a few kangaroo bits will be a doddle."

Dodo perhaps

A GLASGOW primary teacher tells us he is desperate for the Christmas break after asking his class to name a bird that cannot fly, and a little lad piped up: "A dead one."

Insect repellent

A READER on the train into Glasgow from the south side heard a young woman ask her pal a question he had never thought of: "I Hoovered up a spider last night - and was then frightened to turn it off in case the spider crawled out again. How long do you normally leave it on for after sucking up a spider?"

Giving thanks

WE should mention Thanksgiving taking place in America yesterday. We turn to Aaron Gillies for an explanation of the celebrations who tells us: "Thanksgiving - where a country of immigrants celebrate becoming immigrants whilst also hating immigrants. Amazing."