Bit of a pantomime

MEMORABLE audience reaction continued. Says Sue Forsyth in Bearsden: "Gerard Kelly, the late, much loved silly boy of panto was the star of Iain Heggie's serious one-hander, King of Scotland, at the Citizens where the language was coarse to say the least, but entirely in context. An elderly couple in front of us had obviously never seen Gerard out of panto mode, and they constantly tutted loudly until the lady eventually said out-loud, 'Aw son - there's nae need fur that kinda language'.

"They appeared pleased when the Citizens staff asked them to leave."

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Getting stoned

YES, it's slowly creeping up, curling-mania as the world discovers that great Scottish game every four years at the Winter Olympics. You know the routine, you sit down at an odd time of day, the curling is on, you plan to watch it for five minutes, and two hours later you are screaming "Sweep! Sweep!" at the telly. We liked the reaction of Dan Katz in Chicago who argued: "They should combine curling and figure skating. Try to knock your opponent over by sliding stones on the ice during their routine. Did I just fix the Olympics?"

It's a gas

GERRY McCulloch came across an old Leeds United v Preston North End football programme from the sixties which sheds some light on the attitude to sex equality in those days. The programme includes an advertisement for the gas showroom which says: "Don't give your wife any grounds for grousing. There's a breathless hush in the house tonight, an almost dangerous air of calm compared to the usual 'women's-work-is-never-done' routine that invariably followed your weekly afternoon out. How's it done? By giving her a fabulous new gas fire she can say goodbye to the drudgery of lighting fires and carting coal about! Be sure of a warm welcome after the match - give her a fabulous new gas fire."

Just a tip - don't try that as a Valentine's gift tomorrow.

The price is right

THE Herald reported that budget retailer Aldi has knocked Waitrose off top spot in an annual supermarket satisfaction survey. Debbie Meehan wonders if that will mean estate agents will now claim that living near an Aldi makes your house worth more.

To die for

OUR story about The Herald reader claiming that Robert Burns "would be spinning in his grave if he was alive today" reminds Russell Smith in Kilbirnie of the Glasgow newspaper reader's comment when the great Lobey Dosser cartoonist Bud Neill died. He declared: "Bud Neill’s immortal, it a shame he’s deid.”

Masonic goals

YES, a classic tale as Owen Kelly in Stirling tells us: "The news story abut the plight of Freemasons reminds me of a football match I stumbled upon one Saturday morning in Stirling's King's Park whilst walking the dog. There was a handful of spectators there and, on asking who the teams were, I was informed that the local masonic lodge were up against Stirling's Knights of St Columba. 'What's the score?', I asked. 'Cannae tell ye, it's a secret', was the predictable reply."

Gawk at him

WE read that TV fashion presenter Gok Wan is launching a Scottish events company along with Edinburgh businessman Peter Ferguson. It reminds us of the chap in Renfrewshire who was voted as Best Dressed Man at a local fundraising event, and he was going around saying how chuffed he was the MC had described him as "the pinnacle of sartorial elegance - our very own Don Juan".

Unfortunately his wife burst his bubble by laughing hysterically and saying: "You need your hearing checked. He said Gok Wan, not Don Juan."

Switched on

TODAY’S piece of daftness comes from a Newmains reader who emails: “My little sister broke my lamp...I won’t be able to see her in the same light ever again.”