THE MARLBOROUGH in Shawlands, now The Shed, was once a glittering dancehall in the 1940s and 1950s – its chandeliers are now in the Theatre Royal.

However this weekend, as part of Doors Open Day, it will revert to the Marlborough with orchestra and singer.

A southsider tells us of a wedding reception there after the Second World War when the bride wore a wedding dress fashioned from an old parachute donated by some army friends. A guest was heard to mutter: “Let’s hope the wind doesn’t get up the day.”

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Numbers shame

JIM Scott shakes his head as he tells us about the office assistant who queried how to type an address. He looked at it and said the person had put their street number in Roman numerals.

“But my computer doesn’t have Roman numerals,” she wailed.

No brainer

OUR story about the Aberdonian applying to become a police officer in Canada reminds an Ayrshire reader of when he worked in the mines which were facing closure, so he called in at his local police station where he told the desk sergeant he had “half a mind to become a police officer.”

The sergeant replied: “Aye son, that’s about all you will need to join the force.”

Suits you sir

WE asked for tales from the shipyards, and Jim Morrison tells us: “A cousin of mine was once a boilermaker in Kvaerner shipyard in sunny Govan. One day he and his foreman were walking across the yard when they were accosted by a large Norwegian manager, who asked them, ‘Can’t you walk any faster?’.

“’Look pal, this is a biler suit am wearing – no a track suit,’ replied the foreman.”

On the move

AND Russell Martin in Bearsden tells us: “The yard manager is doing his daily rounds of the shipyard when he sees a man being carried down the gangway of a ship on a stretcher. He asks a passing workman if there has been an accident.

“‘Naw’, came the reply, ‘They’re jist moving a welder to a joab on anither boat’.”

Tickets to next month’s 40th anniversary concert of the UCS work-in for our favourite yarn.

The wrong van

READER Stephen Henson in Glasgow heard a colleague declare: “I’ve just driven behind a van which had printed on the back ‘Dogs in transit’.

“The thing is, it was an Iveco.”

Well organised

WE mentioned mail trays on office desks, and Hugh Gibson in Crieff recalls a former colleague who had one on either side of his desk. One read “Ta” and the other “Ta-ta”.

Dogs’ favourite airline

A FREQUENT flyer notices our story about British Airways insisting that dogs travel in containers “large enough for the pet to stand up, turn around and lie down in a natural manner” and muses: “Shame they don’t give their human passengers such consideration.”