IT was Doors Open Day in Glasgow at the weekend, and the Arlington Baths building in the west end was so popular the queue for th tour snaked up the street.

Suddenly the chap at the door spotted his mother-in-law and beckoned her to the front of the queue while explaining who she was.

“That’s nepotism,” shouted a chap in the queue – that’s the erudition you encounter in the west end.

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“Would you say no to your mother-in-law?” shouted back the official, which semed to appease everyone in the queue.

Benchmark reporting

AND our stories about the late football commentator David Francey remind Arthur Cleary: “I remember listening to his commentary at Hampden when the old press box facilities were a bit Spartan. He was ranting on in his usual style when, without breaking his stride, he continued, ‘the bench I was sitting on has just collapsed and I am staring at the ceiling, but will keep you updated as much as I can’.

“He never stopped his commentary while his bench was being lifted – a true pro.”

Feather in his cap

WE end our shipyard tales with Stewart Davis recalling: “Yarrow’s was being visited by senior management and politicians at a time when there was talk of impending redundancies. One worker turned up wearing feathers in his head. When asked by one of the visitors why, he said that if there were going to be redundancies he wanted to make sure they only got rid of the cowboys.”

Ticket to ride

THE story of the passenger being mistaken for a railway worker reminds a Bearsden reader of being about to board a train at Clydebank when a disembarking passenger shoved his ticket into our reader’s hand. Our reader, quite puzzled, got on board the train, and through the closing door watched as the departing passenger was locked in an argument with the real ticket collector.

Hot stuff

IT’S a poor show when you have to wait to be served because the assistants are talking amongst themselves. This happened to reader Russell Smith in a Glasgow store where three assistants had their backs to him while they chatted. All Russell could hear of the conversation was one of the assistants declaring: “She says she keeps her knickers in the microwave. She says it sterilises them.”

Head for heights

WE occasionally suggest that Scots can be a bit short with tourists. But it’s not only Scots it seems. A Kirkintilloch reader was on a cruise in Alaska when an American passenger at one port asked their tour guide, presumably because of the mountains nearby: “How high up are we?”

The tour guide merely looked over the side of the dock they were on and replied: “About 18 inches sir.”

Stormy waters

“IT was Talk Like a Pirate Day yesterday,” said the chap in the pub.

“But it seems like a lot of trouble to learn Somalian just for the one day,” he added.