WE fear the stress of Christmas shopping may already have begun.

A reader at the Silverburn shopping centre heard a mother snap at her complaining young daughter: “You’re forgetting mummy is mummy and not daddy. Daddy is the one who cares.”


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Holiday memories

CHEQUES continued. Russell Smith was in his local bank when a customers asked for travellers’ cheques. Says Russell: “Unfortunately she was unable to recall which country she was going to but remembered that it began with ‘ch’.

“Prompting with China, Chile, Czechoslovakia was unhelpful, until she remembered that it was Tunisia.”


Doesn’t add up

AND Jim Scott recalls the old Bob Hope gag where Bob would shake his head and declare: “My wife thinks because she has cheques left in her cheque book, she has money in her account.”


Play that again

BOY-BAND crooners Westlife bring their farewell tour to Glasgow on Whit Sunday next May. That somehow reminds us that Whitsun sounds like a Glasgow wifey who is a bit corned beef asking for something to be repeated.


Don’t follow us

READER Willie O’Britis received his replacement Halifax Mastercard with a sticker attached to it telling him to “Please Spend Responsibly”.

Says a stunned Willie: “Did we not have to bail out the bank after it failed to follow this basic instruction itself?”


Crossing borders

A READER who observes the popularity of young folk having tattoos of Chinese characters on their arm ponders: “Do Chinese people get tattoos in English?”


Political agenda

LATEST text message after police in New York launched a surprise raid to dismantle an Occupy Wall Street protest camp: “Libyan Government Warns NYPD to exercise restraint. Urges NATO action to protect American dissidents.”


No limits

A CHAP in the pub the other night was explaining that when he was stopped for speeding he told the traffic cop that he was simply trying to keep up with the traffic.

“There is no traffic,” the officer told him.

“That’s how far behind I am,” the chap argued.


Stop the bus

OUR story about bus passengers reminds a retired Glasgow driver of the female passenger at the bus stop who shouted in to him: “Can you wait driver until I get my clothes on?”

He tells us all his other passengers were straining their necks for a look at the passenger until they realised she was merely humphing two big bags from the laundrette next to the stop.