SAD to hear of the death of veteran Irish comic Frank Carson.

Reader Rob Mackenzie tells us: "I was standing behind Frank in the queue at Inverness airport when he was asked, 'Where would you like to sit on board Mr Carson?"

"He replied: 'As close to the black box as possible.'"

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Word search

WE mentioned the late folk singer Danny Kyle dealing with hecklers. Danny's humour was switched on even when he was not performing. After a show at Glasgow's Royal Concert Hall he was in the bar when reader Mary Gowrie from Renfrew went over to say hello, and noticed Danny was wearing a striking tie made to look like a crossword puzzle.

Intrigued by it, Mary asked Danny: "Where did you get that tie?"

"I haven't a clue," Danny replied.

Behaving badly

A READER on the Edinburgh to Glasgow train noted three raucous women on board, encumbered with shopping after, presumably, a day of retail and pinot grigio therapy. Across from them a fellow traveller's phone rang and he was heard telling the caller that yes, he knew he should have been home by then but he had to work late at the office, and no, he had not gone for a drink after work, and no, he had not gone for a drink with the new receptionist.

The demeanour of the chap on the phone, says our reader, was not helped by one of the ladies opposite, when he denied having a drink with the receptionist, shouting across: "Put that phone down and come back to bed."

Taste of his own medicine

OUR story of subtly negative references reminds Doug Griffin: "Many years ago, when I worked in East Kilbride, I heard about a pharmacist who worked in Boots and was a bit keen to get rid of a young boy who worked for him. He gave him a reference that said 'he dispensed with accuracy'."

Joint venture

THE sorry plight of Rangers FC is creeping in everywhere. Russell Campbell was refereeing an eight-year-olds' football match when one of the lads went down, grazing his knee, and a parent shouted from the sidelines that it was a "terrible case of Rangers knee".

Says Russell: "After a short gap, he then added the explanation, 'totally skint'."

Money worries

TALKING of Rangers, MSP John Mason, whose Shettleston constituency takes in Celtic Park, has invited fellow MSPs to an "insolvency advice surgery" next month to help them give advice to constituents facing insolvency.

"No mention of whether the Parkhead MSP is particularly worried about casework from Rangers fans," a fellow MSP tells us.

Pencil drawing

A READER phones to tell us: "I told a woman at work that her eyebrows were drawn on too low."

He added: "She looked furious."