KEN McNab's affectionate compilation of the Fab Four's visits north of the Border, entitled The Beatles In Scotland, has just come out in paperback.

In it he tells of the Beatles playing the Glasgow Odeon in 1963. He quotes police officer Irene Livingstone, who was detailed on crowd control as there were thousands of screaming fans outside, but who nipped inside to see what all the fuss was about. Says Irene: "I bumped into somebody, and the gentleman turned round and said, 'Irene, if you stand in front of me you'll get a better view.' It was the Chief Constable James Robertson.

"So we very quickly turned on our heels and went back outside."

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Class action

A POLLOKSHIELDS father tells us he was discussing with his teenage son how he would want his bedroom redecorated. Eventually the boy suggested: "Why not make it look like a classroom? Then I'll be able to fall asleep quicker."

Bakery D'oh

THE charity Children 1st collecting grandparent stories reminds Hugh Walsh in Darly, Ayrshire, of being asked to take his four-year-old grand-daughter to the baker's for a meat pie. Says Hugh: "On leaving, the assistant said to her, 'and where are you off to now?' to which she replied, 'we're going to the other baker's, My Papa doesn't like the stuff in here'.

"You can imagine the silence for a second or two until staff and fellow customers saw the funny side."


GUS Furrie in East Kilbride tells us his wife was visiting Hairmyres Hospital's accident and emergency department when she overheard the woman in the next cubical telling the doctor that she couldn't open her eyes because the pain was so terrible. Eventually after a discussion about the type of pain, the doctor carried out some treatment, and the woman eventually declared: "Oh doctor that's fantastic, I can open my eyes....oh no will you look at how he has dressed me!"


SPELLING difficulties, and Graham Stevenson in Erskine, says: "I worked as a teller in the Bank of Scotland in Glasgow in the days before ATMs when customers came in to cash cheques.One customer began to fill it out and said, 'fifteen pounds please'. After scoring out a couple of attempts at spelling fifteen, he tore the cheque out of the book, started to write a new cheque, and said, 'make that sixteen'."

Poor hearing?

SENIOR moments continued. Bill Kennedy in Cambuslang confesses: "Had a delightful telephone conversation the other day with a young lady who introduced herself as Roxanne. Can't be too many Roxannes about these days, I thought. It was only when the subject of money was raised that I realised that what she had actually said was 'Oxfam'."