OUR tales of folk struggling with technology remind a Larkhall reader of being on holiday in Spain last month with his wife when their camera developed a fault, so he decided to take photographs instead with his mobile phone.

"Does it cost more to take photos on your phone when you are abroad?" asked his anxious wife.

An off day

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A RESTAURANT manager in Glasgow tells us about a customer who came in last week with a money-off coupon. The manager had to point out that alas it was six months out of date, and couldn't be used. "It doesn't say there is a time limit," persisted the customer, so the manager pointed out on the coupon where it stated when it had to be used by. The customer stared at this piece of information and declared: "That wasn't there earlier."

Dated reply

A READER in a Newton Mearns store was quite taken when the customer near her down the aisle asked an assistant: "Are your chickens freelance?"

She didn't think they had made a good career choice if they were.


FLYING on an internal flight in America from Los Angeles Airport, a middle-aged Milngavie reader thought the young American who sat next to him looked a bit disappointed when he sat down.

All was explained when the American eventually told him: "I asked at check-in if I'd been given a good seat and they assured me I was sitting next to a leggy blonde."

The bald facts?

MEN with shaved heads are perceived as more dominant, and more suited for leadership, according to a study published this week. "That would explain why David Cameron, Nick Clegg and Ed Miliband all have a full head of hair," says our political contact.

Cheques and balances

STORIES of spelling difficulties remind Yvonne Mitchell of in her younger days of hesitating when having to write a cheque for £30 as she suddenly was unsure how to spell thirty. Her solution? She handed over three cheques for £10 each.

Wise words

OUR tales of grandparents may have concentrated on their foibles, but we should also acknowledge the sagacity of older folk. As Angela Fotheringham tells us: "My stern grandmother from Buckhaven, whenever we came out with a childish, 'but Granny, I thought...' would admonish us with, 'Well you know what thoucht did, followed a muck cart and thoucht it was a wedding'.

"I still use that on my grandchildren!"

Greece revisited

GERMAN President Angela Merkel's controversial visit to Greece yesterday allows Stephen Gold to update an old gag by telling us the news from Athens yesterday was that when Mrs Merkel arrived in Greece she was asked her nationality by an officious border guard. When she replied: "German" he then asked "Occupation?" She replied: "Not this time, we're only here for the day."

"Here's one firm in Perth that did not follow its own business plan," says Gary Cantwell.