DON'T worry, I've not gone all moody goth on you.

Nor am I extolling the merits in dabbling in a spot of satanism. By darkness, I mean that which follows Twilight.

Last night saw the fifth and (hopefully) final cinematic instalment of vampire-themed The Twilight Saga have its glitzy premiere in Los Angeles. Diehard – sorry, make that "twi-hard" – fans had camped out for days in heady anticipation.

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Between intermittent gentle sobbing and banshee-like wailing, they burned candles and held aloft homemade posters in tribute to their favourite characters. "It's our Star Wars, our Harry Potter, our Lord of the Rings," one is quoted as saying.

They are certainly a devoted if somewhat scarily-obsessive bunch. Last week a 51-year-old woman from Reading, Berkshire, revealed she had spent 83 hours and more than £7000 on getting her back, chest and right arm tattooed with an image of the film's leading man Robert Pattinson alongside co-stars Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner. She's not the only one: an Australian fan had Lautner's autograph permanently inked on her arm while a US woman has reportedly spent almost £10,000 on themed memorabilia.

If I'm honest, I've never quite got the whole sexy vampire thing doing the rounds in recent years (I'm more of a zombie apocalypse kind of girl myself). What I do know about Twilight, I'm not exactly enthralled with.

Crib notes version: possessive and controlling young man stalks and fantasises about killing his girlfriend, a woman who, in turn, can't so much tie her own shoelaces without him swooping in to save the day.

Hello, is that the 1950s? I think you left your gender-oppressive roles in our century. Can you come pick them up?

Dress it up all you like as a supernatural tale of star crossed lovers, but I, for one, will be glad when Twilight fades to darkness.