It's been a good week for ...
Armstrong Baillie likes to stick his neck out to help others. Twice a week, the 32-year-old Dundonian dresses up in the giraffe suit his mum made him and travels around Scotland to carry out acts of kindness. Why? He says it makes him feel good.
The Good Giraffe, as he prefers to be called, has distributed free bananas and water to half-marathon runners, cleaned up litter, given away £10 vouchers in hospitals and handed out free coffee.
Unemployed, Mr Baillie funds his unusual philanthropic activities by busking and plans to continue with his mission despite finding fame on the internet.
In such gloomy economic times, more animal impersonators should be encouraged to spread a little cheer. Already the Benevolent Bear, the Kind Kangaroo, the Charitable Chimp and the Altruistic Alligator are waiting in the wings. Sadly, the Helpful Horse has had to pull out. As a two-man operation, he wasn't economically viable. Something to do with the bottom line.
It's been a bad week for ... packed lunches
Intrigue, skulduggery and underhand practices ... Fridgeygate has shaken Westminster.
Liz Kendall MP, the honourable member for Leicester West, was left angered and hungry by a dishonourable colleague who pinched her lunch from the Commons communal fridge.
She knew there was something fishy going on when her tuna salad went missing. Thence followed a war of Post-its. Ms Kendall left a note on the fridge flagging up the robbery: "Someone has stolen my lunch from this fridge. I do not appreciate this and warn other people – don't leave anything in here unless you're happy for it to go missing." Then came a ripost: "I took it ... and I'd do it again."
Alas, such thievery is common in offices. I wouldn't like to suggest that colleagues stoop to such levels in the Herald & Times kitchen, but let's just say that milk seems to be the scarcest of commodities in the area – Cowcaddens of all places. My favourite story of a ploy to stop the perpetrators was a receptacle bearing the message: "Freshly expressed breast milk, please do not touch."
Anyway MPs, of all people, should know there's no such thing as a free lunch - unless, of course, you fiddle your eccies.