THE sudden proliferation of signposts in both English and Gaelic in Paisley was being discussed in a local pub where Iain Lawson, husband of former Renfrewshire Provost Celia, announced it was because the Mod is being held in Paisley next year.

The information was being digested by the company until Chic Kelly asked: "Where are we going to get all the scooters?"

UFO fever?

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THE death of television astronomer Sir Patrick Moore reminds us of when he was asked if he had ever seen an Unidentified Flying Object.

"Yes, in my observatory one day. I saw a huge fleet of perfect flying saucers," was his surprising answer.

He then added: "'The Martians have arrived,' I thought. Then I found out what it really was... pollen."

No time to think?

I KNOW it's a bit early to start talking about New Year, but nevertheless we pass on from reader Steven Chadwin: "I was in a Chinese restaurant with a colleague on Hogmanay, having a business lunch. The only other customers were three office girls, and one asked the young Chinese waitress: 'What are you doing to celebrate the New Year?' 'Nothing really,' the waitress replied, 'you see, our New Year is in February.'

"A few moments thoughtful silence, then one of the girls said: 'Oh, so your year is only 10 months long?'"

Hash tag?

ORGANISATIONS are now using the social network site Twitter – some with a bit more deftness than others. Foster Evans likes a recent tweet by Solihull Police which stated: "Anyone lost a huge amount of cannabis in the Chelmsley Wood area? Don't panic, we found it. Please come to the police station to collect it."

Tweet truths

AND talking about Twitter, Solihull Police also gave the excellent advice: "Sing like no-one is listening, dance like no one is watching, tweet – only what you're happy to have read out in court!"

Wise words?

BIG television event at the weekend was The X Factor final. As one reader commented on the all-male finalists: "James, Jahmene and Chris. Three Kings. It's the perfect Christmas story.

"If only they would stop singing."

Pass marks

OCCASIONALLY young people express admiration of their elders. A reader in Glasgow's West End heard one student say to another: "Just imagine. Our parents managed to graduate without either Google or Wikipedia."

Gritted teeth?

GREAT news, of course, Celtic qualifying for the last 16 in Europe with the winning goal being scored from a penalty after striker Georgios Samaras went down in the penalty box.

Not everyone in Glasgow was impressed, however. As Jim Evans tells us: "Just to let concerned Celtic fans know that Samaras's local council has spread extra grit on the pavement outside his home just in case he goes down like a ton of bricks. Well done."