ALREADY folk are returning unwanted Christmas presents.
A reader waiting patiently in one store heard the elderly chap in front say the slippers he was given didn't fit, and he suspected there was something wrong with the continental size printed on the baffies. The assistant took the slippers to check they were undamaged, then asked the shopper: "Did you take the tissue out of the toes before trying them on?"
Exit one embarrassed shopper.
Apocalypse watch
IT'S not for us to say the island of Arran is one of Scotland's back waters, but Iain MacLean tells us the Mayan prediction about the end of the world was being discussed last week in a pub in Lochranza when someone declared: "Looks like the world hasn't ended then."
To which someone replied: "Has anybody been over to Brodick to check?"
Fact or fiction?
APPRENTICES continued. Says Alan Couperwhite: "Back in the good old days of the 1960s and 1970s, it was common practice in Glasgow advertising agencies to send new recruits to the Post Office for an Artistic Licence."
Time to rejoice
GRAHAM Smith in Jordanhill tells us he was buying The Herald in his local Asian-owned newsagents on Christmas Eve. Says Graham: "As a matter of course, I wished the shopkeeper a Merry Christmas, adding as an afterthought, that is, if he celebrated Christmas. He said he did.
"I then asked if the shop was open on Christmas Day. 'No', he replied, 'that is why we celebrate.'"
Point of order
NAMES continued. Says Moira Uggla in Sweden: "A propos less well- considered monikers – my aunt once lived next door to a Luke Sharp."
Sticks and stones ...
WE'RE told about the brave husband whose wife had been dropping heavy hints that she wanted a Kindle ebook for her Christmas. When she unwrapped a tightly bound pile of sticks on Christmas morning he blandly told her: "I thought you said you wanted some kindling."
But he wasn't that brave, of course, as the Kindle was next to be unwrapped.
Free advice
DAFT gag of the day? A young lad in Govan told his mum if she paid him a quid, he'd be good for the rest of the day.
"I shouldn't have to pay you to be good," his mother replied.
"You should be good for nothin' – just like yer faither."
Rough and tumble
NOT everyone was convinced by Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson claiming star striker Robin van Persie was "lucky to be alive" after being hit in the head by a ball struck by Swansea's Ashley Williams.
Remarked reader Jim Evans: "Has Sir Alex not been to a Petershill v Pollok, or Talbot v Cumnock Scottish Junior game recently?"
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article