AMUSING outbreak of sarcasm on Twitter on the news that Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, 86, has finally married his "runaway bride", 26-year-old Crystal Harris, more than a year after their planned 2011 wedding was scuppered when she got cold feet.

"Congratulations to Crystal on marrying Hugh Hefner," read one tweet. "A man old enough to be her proto-hominid ancestor."

Observed another: "I bet she let out an involuntary giggle when the priest said, 'till death do you part'."

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Out of puff?

SOMETIMES you overhear something so enigmatic it sticks in your mind. Andy Cumming was in his local supermarket on Hogmanay and heard one young assistant asking another, possibly with a hint of exasperation, "What is it with auld wummen and puff pastry in here the day?" Andy's still thinking about it, and it's been four days now ...

Premium Bond

IT'S been fully 30 years since Sir Sean Connery last played James Bond but some of his older fans still can't see past him.

Actor Colin McCredie was watching Skyfall with his dad and it took McCredie senior less than four minutes to declare: "No-one has ever been as good as Connery."

We saw this, incidentally, on Colin's Twitter page. A few days ago we quoted him here in this space on Ewan McGregor's OBE, and Colin responded: "Love it when one of your tweets ends up in the paper!" Thanks again, Colin. That's one we owe you.

Name game

CURIOUS names, continued. Jack Wright writes in: "When I lived in Toronto, I knew of a Mr and Mrs Lynn who, presumably without thinking it through, called their daughter Amanda."

Norma Gibb: "A new mum had to have it gently explained why it would be best not to call her day-old daughter, Kerry Dawn – "lovely as those names are". Especially as the family name was Downnie."

Reader M Brown in Prestwick: "My son and his wife are presently considering names for our prospective grandchild, due in July. Both parents love the name Iona. Unfortunately their surname is Barr."

And a friend of the Diary's, who now lives in Yorkshire, swears blind that he overheard a pregnant young woman on a bus telling her friend, "If its a girl ah'm gonna call her, 'Latrine', isn't that gorgeous?"

On a mission

KEN Ramsay, who works for one of the big Glasgow engineering firms, says that at one time its agent in Turkey had a salesman called Mustafa Bayer.

They'll never forget...

THE Things Kids Say ... From reader Joseph Black, in Uplawmoor, we hear of friends of his, regular visitors to the Glasgow Science Museum, who took their bright three-year-old grandson, Cooper, there the other week. The topic was "elements".

Once it was over, the presenter asked the audience: "What do all these elements have in common?" Up shot Cooper's arm, catching the attention of the speaker. "Yes, young man?"

"They all have very long trunks,"said Cooper, much to the amusement of the entire audience.