FULL marks to Hasbro for dreaming up a free advertising campaign for Monopoly to which these few words can now be added.
They must be laughing all the way to Go.
The makers of arguably the world's most famous board game have decided to "retire" one of the current pieces and are asking the public to choose which one that should be. They have come up with five replacements – a toy robot, a diamond ring, a guitar, a cat and a helicopter – and are asking us to decide the winner.
They say these replacements are more reflective of today. Hmmm. Not sure about that. Where is the boarded-up shop, the over-paid celebrity, the redundant worker? Across social media, people are rightly asking where is the mobile, the tablet, the laptop? But it's not as simple as that. We live in a brand age. An e-reader? But which one? Kindle? Amazon would love that. Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Pay Corporation Tax.
A mobile? Same question: which one? iPhone 5? But that would just wander around the board, scratching its head and saying: "Has anyone seen King's Cross? My map says it's in Trafalgar Square."
What about a little bird in the shape of the Twitter logo? It's only allowed to charge a maximum of £140 rent on its houses. Or a banker. This one could come with a special gallows to hang them from. Do Not Pass Go. Go Straight to Jail. Stay There Forever.
How about some character pieces? Pleb, chav, skiver or shirker? You decide. Talking of plebs, why not a bicycle, if you get my drift. And some special little gates to block its path. Or an MP. That would be good. This could be the only piece that lands on one square, but claims expenses for one on the other side of the board that it hasn't used in years.
A Playstation or Wii handset? The first could come with some of those fun Nazi zombies from Call of Duty that could periodically invade the board. What about a tiny International Space Station, the only piece able to hover above its hotels? Or a little "Julian Assange". Once you've chosen a square for him – nicknamed "the Embassy" – he doesn't move, but occasionally he comes to the edge and makes a speech to the other pieces.
Whatever. Can we agree on something though? The dog must stay.