THE MOSCOW State Circus has just finished a run of shows at Braehead.

A reader swears to us that the woman next to him at the show was watching the acrobats on the trapeze when she said to her husband: "You'd never catch me doing that."

"I wouldn't even try," he replied.

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Hall of fame?

JUST after Christmas, Glasgow's Springburn Public Halls, one of the last landmarks in the area, was knocked down by the council after years of neglect.

Fans of local football team Petershill were less than happy when Auchinleck Talbot beat them 7-0 in the Junior Cup at the weekend, and an Ayrshire fan shouted out: "Haw sur, this is easier than demolishin' yon Springburn Toon Hall ye ken!"

Brief note

A READER receives an email from Marks and Spencer about the shop's latest offers, and notices that women's lingerie was listed under workwear. "What kind of customer are they wanting to attract?" he wonders.

Strap lines

NOSTALGIA alert.Our tales of excuses for being late remind Alan Morrison of queuing up overnight at a Glasgow record store with his school-chum for tickets to see the Rolling Stones many years ago. Unfortunately they were so late for school in Govan the next day that they were given six of the belt. The teacher added that they looked as if they had been sleeping outside. When they said they had, they got another six of the belt for being cheeky.

Later that day, a picture of them in the front of the queue for the Stones tickets was in the Evening Times, thus confirming their tale. "That's 12 I owe you," was the teacher's response.

Any other tales of the belt?

Hedging their bets

A HIGH Hedges Bill has been introduced at the Scottish Parliament by MSP Mark McDonald to solve disputes between neighbours. As David Donaldson ponders: "Would it be a Privet Member's Bill by any chance?"


"I DIDN'T expect the BBC to describe the rebels in Mali as toerags," said the chap on the bus into Glasgow yesterday. "I think you'll find it's Touaregs," said his pal. "Not quite the same thing."

Toddling home

A PRIMARY school teacher tells us she has often wondered if any of her primary one charges go home after their first day and tell their parents: "I'm just wasting my time there. I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk."

Reign forecast?

"I SEE the Dutch Queen is going to abdicate," said the chap in the Glasgow pub last night.

"Well I bet Prince Charles will be taping the news for his mum to watch," replied his pal.

Just the job

OUR stories of Burns suppers and haggis remind Kirsty Buchanan of applying for a job in England. "The application said: 'If you were an animal what animal would you be and why?' I wrote: 'A haggis, so I could run free in the beautiful highland hillsides.' I was invited for an interview. The interviewer said: 'I only invited you to see if you really thought a haggis was an animal.' To which I pointed out I had only written it to see if he did. I got the job."