CONCERN in the queue at Auchterarder Post Office where customers notice that a member of staff had scrawled "F Off" across the office calendar behind the desk.

Had someone succumbed to the pressures of the job?

Eventually a customer asked what was going on, and was relieved to hear that Fiona had merely marked down an upcoming holiday.

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Community order

THE Scottish League Cup is now the Communities League Cup, and is sponsored by the Scottish Government, keen to promote community spirit and responsible behaviour. So at half-time in Saturday's Hearts v Inverness Caledonian Thistle semi-final, the PA announcer read a sponsor's message extolling the importance of communities and encouraging people to "behave responsibly, considerately and respectfully at all times."

"Bloody hell," Gav Aitchison heard one Hearts fan remark. "It's like having your wife at the football."

Big Top draw

OUR tale of the Moscow State Circus at Braehead reminds Barry McGirr of hearing comedian Mick Miller at The Leapark Hotel in Grangemouth recently tell the audience that he started in showbiz by running away with the circus, and was with them for nine years.

He didn't do an act, he said, but was the only one who knew how to get the tent in the bag.

Dog tired

AFTER our story of the chap escaping to the pub by saying he was walking the dog, then forgetting to take it, Robbie Duncan tells us: "A friend in Brodick arrived home and when his wife asked him where he had been, he said he was walking the dog.

"'That's strange because that's not our dog,' replied his wife. He had indeed popped into a local hotel for a wee tipple and left with a friend's dog by mistake."

White hot?

IT'S transfer window deadline day today, and bookmaker Paddy Power is offering odds on which cliche Sky Sports' Scots presenter Jim White will come out with first. Favourite is "The clock is ticking" at 11/4 but you can get "Hold on to your hats" at 12/1 and our favourite, "Spotted at the airport" at 33/1.

Have they missed any good ones?

Lesson in life

OUR request for school belt tales has stung you into action. One reader recalls: "I was at school in Rutherglen where a nice young lady teacher regularly lost control. We were visited by her male colleague from next door who selected random innocent bystanders and belted them.

"On complaining, I was advised – and I have remembered it to this day – "no-one ever said anything in life is fair'."