IT can be embarrassing taking your bored husband shopping with you.
A reader heard one such chap observe rather too loudly in a Glasgow department store: "I know the girls on the make-up counters get free samples. But surely they don't have to use them all at once?"
Feeling the pinch?
AND a reader shopping for clothes in Glasgow heard a young girl say to her pal who was trying on a dress: "I know it's expensive. But if you buy the dress you won't have any money left for food – so you'll find it easier to fit in your new clothes."
Wispful thinking?
SCOTLAND'S Cardinal Keith O'Brien has resigned and will no longer be attending the conclave to elect a new pope. BBC reporter James Cook must have had this in mind when he tweeted yesterday: "No answer at the home of Cardinal Keith O'Brien in Edinburgh this morning, although smoke is rising from the chimney."
Bold and Brave
THE Oscars saw Mark Andrews, director of Scottish-themed Brave, wear a kilt to collect his statuette, which had people wondering if this was the first Oscar-winning kilt wearer. We liked Mark's sense of humour when he was asked if Brave was the first animated Disney film with male nudity.
"No," replied Mark. "In Ratatouille they weren't wearing anything," referring of course to the film about Parisian rats.
And reader Jimmy Manson in Ayr might have misheard when Ben Affleck won an Oscar for Argo. Said Jimmy: "Did Ben pick up his Argos Oscar at collection point B?"
No Marks?
OUR tales of wine remind Willie Bennie in Lanarkshire's Glenmavis: "Marks & Spencer opened a food outlet in Coatbridge just before Christmas. I was taking advantage of their two can dine for a tenner offer which includes a bottle of wine, and was standing next to a young couple. The girl asked her partner what kind of wine he fancied and he replied: 'Have they no' got any Buckie?'"
Life choices
WE mentioned the heart patient who suggested shoplifting to make his heart beat faster. David Macleod in Lenzie recalls comedian Jo Brand discussing attempts to lose weight and stating: "My doctor told me to take up a regular activity that would get me slightly short of breath. So I started smoking."
Pregnant pause
A READER swears that a woman in a West End coffee shop told her pal: "This is definitely the last time I'm getting pregnant. It takes all the fun out of drinking."
Horse sense
YES, the horses in burgers gags have been going on a bit too long. As reader Bill Cassidy puts it: "I don't know about you, but I can't take any mare of those horse jokes.
"Having said that, I once backed a horse at 10-1, and it didn't finish till a quarter to two. "
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article