MOTHERWELL'S Liverpudlian striker Michael Higdon was arrested for an alleged assault in a Glasgow nightclub hours after being named Scotland's Player of the Year.

As a reader states: "Surely this must be enough to make Higdon eligible to play for Scotland."

The future is orange

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IT was the Glasgow rugby sevens at Scotstoun Showgrounds at the weekend, where fans were urged to dress as film characters to add to the party mood.

Members of a group from Edinburgh were dressed as Oompa Loompas from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, complete with orange face paint, which alas was beginning to run after a few hours.

As Hugh Campbell heard one local rugby fan observing: "If only they'd waited to get a decent fake spray tan in Glasgow like the locals, then it would have lasted."

Not-so-healthy option

INCIDENTALLY, Glaswegians' reputation for being salad dodgers was perhaps confirmed by the burger van at the rugby.

The list of food on the side of the van included burgers, hot dogs, chips and cheese, and chips and curry sauce. The veggie burger had "Not available" chalked beside it.

Mind games

GROWING old continued. Says reader Donald Grant: "During a round of golf my partner was quite annoyed with himself when he couldn't remember a 1950s film star's name. I suggested that if he went through the alphabet he might remember it. He paused then laughed and said that nowadays he had trouble even remembering the alphabet."

Make your mind up time

STILL not able to make your mind up about independence? Website The Pop Cop asked 40 musicians in Scotland what their views were. We like the honesty of Gibran Farrah, guitarist with Glasgow-based There Will Be Fireworks, who said: "The reason I'm undecided on independence is pretty simple. I'm very indecisive."

Cleaning up

MARTIN Steel in Hamilton spotted a Dacia Duster car on the road this week and wonders if it shows the Linwood-produced Singer Chamois was simply ahead of its time.

Off the rails

THE Subway in Glasgow is called either the subway or the underground – but never the tube. As comedy actor Sanjeev Kohli told some southerners: "In Glasgow 'travelling by tube' means getting a piggy back off an imbecile."

A swell name indeed

OUR story about mistaken names reminds Kenneth Maxwell: "I too was in discussion with a company south of the Border who wished to send me some information. Being north of the Border it was obvious that I must be a MacSwell as this was how I was addressed on the subsequent mailing."

Barking mad

OUR tales of Scottish hospitality remind Cristina Cona of a not-to-be-forgotten visit to Lewis, where they ate in a restaurant with surly staff.

Recalls Cristina: "Apart from the service, what really threw us was seeing a large black dog, the same one that had greeted us at the entrance, stroll into the dining room, lift its leg against the wall and relieve himself.

"I must add that nobody intervened to stop him; in fact, nobody even seemed to notice."

As it was in a Gaelic-speaking area, Cristina called it a "Failte Towers moment".