THAT list of the 20 most overused phrases of 2013 - you know the one, "amazeballs", "twerk" and "selfie," etc - was missing a trick.

Where were Yolo and Fomo, I'd like to know? The modern acronymn is generally an ugly thing, as evidenced by these two: You Only Live Once and Fear Of Missing Out. Both are often preceded by a hashtag, also one of 2013's most unabashadly overused phrases.

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I'd banish those two, Yolo and Fomo, to a land far, far away, were I queen for the day.

Though it looks like I may not have to secure myself a crown. I was just reading about predicted trends for 2014 and the first is Jomo, another ugly acronymn but with a very attractive sentiment.

Fomo is, the trendwatchers say, to be abandoned for the Joy Of Missing Out. I am delighted to read of this new trend but would have appreciated a full and complete How To guide to achieving such a state of grace.

The idea is "mindful living" - concentrating on appreciating what you're doing at any given moment and not mentally pleading to be somewhere else. This is all very well but the proponents have
clearly never commuted on the number 6 bus.

Jomo is my new aspiration. At the moment I suffer a severe case of the Fomos. It gets me into all sorts of scrapes: costume parties when I hate dressing up, scuba diving even though I'm claustrophobic, flat-sharing although I guard my home like a troll with his bridge, musicals. I even went to see a musical.

On Hogmanay I nearly agreed to get my ears pierced again, even though the first attempt led to prolonged bouts of fainting.

"Steady," I thought to myself. "Jomo." It was a good first test. What could be more joyous than not having a sharp starter earring shot through tender flesh with a piercing gun? I'm light-headed at the thought of it. But without Jomo I would probably have said, "Er, erm, oh, ok then."

This ugly acronynm is going to change my life, I know it. Finally, an excuse to stay in, in pyjamas, with mashed potatoes and the latest episode of Casualty on the iPlayer.

It may take some work but, come 2015, I intend to have produced my own How To guide - a comprehensive directory for the anti-social but eager to please.

It's going to be a best-seller. And if you don't read it? You'll be missing out.