THE news regarding gay people this week has been, well, queer.
Politicians Vladimir Putin and David Silvester have both been tricked by some common misconceptions.
Vlad, shirtless puppy fondler and leader of Russia, has fallen for the misbelief that "gay" is interchangable with "paedophile". Although he claims to be on "friendly terms" with any number of "gay acquaintances", he still insists that his new law, banning "propaganda of homosexuality" to people under 18 is for child protection measures. Oh, and could any gay people visiting for the Olympics please make assurances that they'll "leave the children alone", for that same reason. But Russia is not a homophobic country, Vlad says. No, its people love Elton John "despite his orientation". How magnanimous to be able to overlook such a terrible flaw. I wonder how Vladimir feels about Elton and David Furnish adopting children? Best not bring it up.
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David Silvester, the Ukip councillor, goes one further. He believes gay relations influence the weather. He wrote to his local paper to suggest the progression of the Marriage (Same Sex) Act had affronted God - he didn't specify which one - and caused Him to rain down, well, rain. "That'll learn 'em," said God, as the good folk of Brighton got quite wet.
However, Mr Silvester has overcome his prejudices to request that good be wrought from evil. He asks that gay people are sent to drought-afflicted areas of Bongo Bongo Land to prompt rainfall on parched crops.
He further made amends on BBC Radio Berkshire, saying he "prayed for gay people to be healed". It's tough to work out which one of those sentences I've made up.
The acting chairman of Ukip in Scotland, Misty Thackeray, complained that Glasgow City Council was really "the Glasgow Celtic Council for gays, Catholics communists eh.lol." A man who cannot be bothered to cap up his LOLs is a man barely qualified to chair a hoedown in a barn.
Nigel Farage has pledged to vet all Ukip candidates to weed out those with "extremist, nasty or barmy views", reducing party membership to zero.
With perfect timing, Professor Dick Swaab (yes, really), a German neurobiologist, has released a book detailing his belief that stressed women give birth to gay children.
Let's hope the irony is not lost on Vlad, Misty and Dave, whose spouted nonsense is exactly the kind of stressor that might just generate a gay baby.