I SEEM to come to many things later in life than most people:
texting, satellite TV, online banking, computer tablets, ironing.
In fact only last week I took to Twitter for the first time (@drewgallan if you're interested). I was at first consumed by the curious new phenomenon of Twitter envy; nobody knew I was out there, yet many of my colleagues have more followers than some of the minor religions.
Still, I'm not fretting; I understand that these things take time, and, if the worst comes to the worst, all I have to do is tell one of my mates from the football. After all, the last time I made a fool of myself in the pub after a game, half the world knew about it before the match report was published the next morning.
But this Twitter lark made me wonder what other trends I ought to be catching up on.
According to Forbes magazine, we should be into wearable technology in 2014. Samsung already has a beast called the Galaxy Gear, which is a watch that lets you control your smartphone from your wrist, and LG, Sony and Apple are about to follow suit.
I can't think of too many occasions when having a phone on your wrist would be advantageous; on the tennis court, perhaps? Could Ivan Lendl give Andy Murray a quick bell halfway through a service game in the fourth set on Centre Court?
Nah, that probably wouldn't work. What would be the chances of him getting Judy off the line?
I don't think I'll bother. My wristphone would be guaranteed to go off just as I'm raising a pint to my lips. Pavlovian reflexes would then ensure a sodden lap.
OK then, if I'm not wearing my gadgets, what should I be donning if I want to stay on trend in 2014?
One of this paper's style gurus (there are several, both professional and self-appointed) reveals that we could be looking at bright, neon-like colours, floral print suits, platform shoes and man bags.
In that case, we have a problem. I suit black. I think I even suit grey. I'm definintely not made for dayglo.
And as for floral suits, that's going to be a no-no. When it comes to combining horticulture and haute couture, I draw the line at the occasional heather buttonhole at a wedding.
Being just about chin high to Tom Cruise, platform shoes do have a certain appeal, though I thought we went through that in the 1970s. As I recall, everyone else wore them too, thus negating their effect. And as for man bags, at this rate they'll be appearing under my eyes.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article