AUSTRALIAN singer/songwriter Jordie Lane, appearing at Celtic Connections in Glasgow, grabbed a banana from his hotel room before heading to the O2 venue in the old ABC in Sauchiehall Street to see another act.

On arrival he was told by the venue's over-zealous security chaps that he couldn't get in with a banana, which could be considered threatening, and he had to either eat it, bin it, or check it into the cloakroom.

Says our Celtic Connections contact: "Being something of a mischievous sort, Lane naturally couldn't resist checking it in, which led to more entertainment when he arrived back to collect it, and was asked the customary question as to what his coat looked like. 'Well, it's yellow,' he replied, 'and kind of banana shaped.' Funnily enough, she knew exactly which one he meant."

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It's a knockout punchline

CELEBRITY encounters continued. Guy Robertson, boss of Guy Robertson Advertising in Glasgow, tells us: "I took a very proper lady from an Edinburgh law firm to a sports dinner and she was seated next to boxer Frank Bruno. As she had arrived after the formal introductions I told her it was comedian Lenny Henry. She chatted away oblivious, then asked, 'Mr Henry, could you please do that 'Know What I Mean 'Arry' impersonation of that thick boxer?' To his credit Frank just went ahead and did it. It was only later in the evening when the MC name-checked him that she realised."

Chip off the old block

AND reader Lenin the Parakeet - not his real name we suspect - e-mails to say he was in the chip shop next door to the old Apollo in Glasgow standing beside the legendary jazz guitarist John McLaughlin who was appearing that evening. John was leaning over the counter and asking a member of staff slowly and incredulously: "You FRY the pizza?"

A questionable berth

READER John Maclennan tells us a French yacht arrived at Stornoway harbour on Monday night, and a port employee strolled up to ask the standard question: "What's your name?" A French crew member replied: "Why?" and so the question was repeated slower and louder only to be asked again: "Why?"

Fortunately a passer-by pointed out the name at the stern and that the yacht was indeed called Why from the port of Concarneau, thus saving the situation from deteriorating into an international incident.

Copyright confusion

A POSTSCRIPT to Burns Night with Edinburgh journalist David Calder posting a rendition of Auld Lang Syne from a Burns Supper he attended on social media site YouTube. He was then contacted by a company claiming they had copyright over the song and he should remove it.

"I think not," says David.

Praise for Jookabukloo

A PRIMARY teacher has promised to work on spelling with her class after a young one wrote that her family had visited a house owned by Jookabukloo. Her original thoughts were, perhaps a rap star, until she finally worked out it was Scotland's biggest landowner, the Duke of Buccleuch.

Here's a tail

A COLLEAGUE wanders over to tell us: "I spent seven very frustrating days repeatedly telling my dog, 'Heal!' If it doesn't work soon, I might have to take him to the vet."

Dear, oh dear.