There has been some vague and desultory talk about holidays in the Jamieson household.
Vague and desultory being our default mode. Because normally I don't know what I'm doing on Tuesday, never mind in July.
Spain has been mentioned. Italy has been mentioned. Arbroath, as yet, has not. The ingredients required between the four of us vary from sun, sand and sangria (we are a little worried about our younger daughter if I'm honest. She's only 12) to big cities with lots of shops, somewhere with galleries and museums, to somewhere off the beaten track. Where does that leave us? Probably not going to Blackpool this year.
Actually, J has been drawing my attention to brochures offering cruises of the Mediterranean. Part of me is appalled by the idea of two weeks surrounded by people reading Agatha Christie novels and talking about their hip replacements and part of me is strangely drawn to the idea. I must be getting old.
As yet I've agreed to nothing. I am, on the whole, not good at holidays. I don't like the heat. I don't like flip-flops. I don't like swimming (mostly because I can't swim very well), I don't like Disneyworld. I don't like B&Bs, I don't like caravans, I don't like hotels that try too hard and I don't like hotels that don't try hard enough. I don't like much, do I (1)?
And when I do go on a break I never manage to achieve a happy medium. I either tick off the sights in a hypermanic rush, desperate to make sure I've seen everything and in the process enjoy nothing. Or I laze about the hotel, lying in late, going back to the breakfast buffet for seconds (2), generally doing nothing at all and then realise that the foyer of a Premier Inn is maybe not really where I planned to spend most of my time on my break.
Then there's the question of whether you go back to somewhere you've been before or try somewhere new. We've never been to (deep breath) Paris, or Munich, or Barcelona or St Petersburg or Stockholm, or Oslo. Or Arbroath for that matter. But if we go will we like them as much as the places we have already been to - Venice or Vienna or Berlin or even Broughty Ferry?
What normally happens now is this vague and desultory conversation goes on for days, weeks, maybe even months. We can't agree, we think up other destinations and can't agree on those either and in the end spend our holidays on the couch at home, watching box sets of programmes everyone else watched years ago. Actually, I can think of worse holidays.
FOOTNOTES
[1] I cannot tell a lie. I think Chris Lowe of the Pet Shop Boys has used a variation of this line before. Flip flops probably weren't mentioned, though.
[2] Sometimes even thirds.
Twitter: @teddyjamieson
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article