MURDOCH McGregor was at the Alloa Half Marathon at the weekend when one of the last women to finish dragged herself over the line with the remaining spectators cheering her like a champion.

Murdoch wondered why her T-shirt had "I was a potato" printed on the front until she staggered past and he read on the back "But I've got off the couch".

Ink blot test

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WE always like to see an expansion of the English language. Moira Campbell tells us a teacher friend told her about a girl arriving with her blouse sleeve covered in ink and the girl saying her mother would kill her because it was that "uncumaffable" ink.

Inflation rate

A GLASGOW reader hears two women discussing a mutual friend with one of them saying their pal had been on a ballooning holiday. When the second lady expressed surprise, the first one added: "Aye, she came back three stones heavier than when she went."

Ring of confidence

WE asked for your dating stories and Peter McMahon in Kirkintilloch admits that many moons ago he and his future wife went to the Argyle Arcade looking at engagement rings he could not afford when suddenly some firemen ran past them into one of the stores. Says Peter: "I immediately stood outside it, and when my wife-to-be asked what I was doing, I said I wanted to be first in the queue for the fire sale. Ear clipped, I was hauled away much to the amusement of some of the firemen."

Net worth

WE mentioned the 25th anniversary of the internet, and a reader says she recently saw a chap in the pub wearing a T-shirt on which was printed "I'm much more interesting on the internet".

Don't all come Russian

AN Ayrshire reader tells us his email account was hacked with some unknown scammer sending out emails to all his friends saying that he was stranded penniless in the Ukraine, and could they send money to get him home. When he discovered what had happened, he emailed his friends to tell them not to send any cash. A number of them assured him that they had in fact sent money to President Putin in return for keeping him there.

Horrible history

SPLENDID prize at a charity rugby quiz a week tonight at Scotstoun Stadium for the Carers Trust, held in conjunction with rugby side Glasgow Warriors. Artist Chris Rutterford is putting up for auction a chance to be painted in to his 30-foot mural on the Battle of Bannockburn. We like Chris's description of the prize. "Perhaps someone would like to be King Edward crapping himself as he flees, or an English knight being skewered - sounds like a good 'un."

Least said...

ARE BBC reporters worried about saying the wrong thing during the independence debate? We only ask as we notice the Beeb's Scottish political editor Brian Taylor has more than 3000 followers on Twitter. Total number of Tweets he has so far sent? None.

Small following

A COLLEAGUE wanders over to interrupt us with: "If a band you like doesn't have a Twitter account - does that make them a tough act to follow?"