SOME would say it's just not cricket.
The ICC 20Twenty is under way, not that I'm watching it. But I have been hearing plenty of folk bemoaning it, bemoaning how the every-so-slightly sexed-up version of the game is simply not on.
Apparently, it has a snazzy lighting system, the Zing Wicket System, that flashes LED lights on the bails when the wickets are broken. This, according to the manufacturer, provides "a new experience to the fans at the stadium and millions on TV". It's the cricketing equivalent of cheerleaders.
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Why is this not being done with other sports? I know a lot of people like sport. I've heard that, in some quarters, it's really quite popular. But, as my old clarinet teacher used to say, there's always room for improvement.
The best sporting event I've ever attended (of three) was Red Star Belgrade at home in Serbia. It was radge. There were people with drums in the stands, bounding around to the beat. There were folk setting off flares. Lots of flares. Part of the stadium was obliterated by smoke; you couldn't see a thing. It was excellent.
At a guess, health and safety is probably going to say "no" fairly emphatically to flares going off in a Scottish sporting stadium. But jazzing things up sounds a great idea.
Cycling. That's quite fast paced. But why are we missing the opportunity to have Catherine Wheels attached to bicycle spokes? Flame retardant leggings and we're off.
Football goalposts should have a trigger mechanism activated by the scoring of a goal. Goal scored - fireworks shoot out the top of the posts. I love fireworks. At the very least there should be an LED system similar to that on the bails that flash the team colours. And the ball, the ball could be a sort of piñata full of sweeties to be given to the fans.
Tennis would be more suspenseful if the balls held lottery tickets. The ball boys and girls could hurl the spare balls into the stands, causing mini-scrums.
In fact, all sports involving balls should have hidden treats inside
Swimming is a well boring watch. But so easy to jazz up with some multi-coloured water or a more viscous substance. Or mutli-coloured and more viscous - jelly! You'd back a flavour, rather than a swimmer. Tollcross Pool, Commonwealth Games. All I'm saying.
Of course, if you need LED lights and jelly to make a sport more exciting you probably shouldn't be watching the sport.