A READER on holiday in Argyll popped into a local shop to buy a Herald and found himself stuck behind a local woman who was blethering 19-to-the-dozen with the assistant.

Our reader waited as patiently as he could, but just as he was about to interrupt the woman's husband silently pulled a sweet out of his pocket and handed it to her. At that she stopped talking and popped it in her mouth, allowing our reader to be served.

As the man with the garrulous lady turned to leave he muttered: "You're welcome" to our Herald purchaser.

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Pain in the neck

ENJOYING the better weather? Not everyone is. As one woman was heard telling her neighbour: "This good weather is all very well, but I've hurt my neck doing gardening. That wouldn't have happened if it had still been raining."

Bags of enthusiasm

OTHER folk have used the Easter break to go shopping.

A Lesmahagow reader was in a smart handbag shop in Edinburgh when a young assistant shouted over some question to the more senior person serving our reader.

The older lady crisply replied: "Stop shouting. You're not working in Lidl now."

Cooling down

NOT everyone is off on holiday this week.

Ian Power tells us: "We had a meeting at work to discuss ways of saving money.

"I suggested we worked instead of having meetings. Surprisingly cool response."

Sweet as chocolate

A MILNGAVIE reader wonders if the Easter message has been somewhat lost these days.

She heard a youngster who was running down the shopping precinct screech: "It's chocolate day this weekend!"

Cheers to that

WE ended our under-age drinking stories, but somehow we forgot to mention students.

Harry Shaw in Airdrie recalls: "In the sixties Charities Week included an inter-uni drinking competition.

"Our man from Strathclyde Uni could down a pint in 2.3 seconds and a yard of ale in under eight seconds.

"When he won the competition a tabloid newspaper came to do an article on him, but he insisted that they didn't take his picture, as he was only 17 and he didn't want his mammy to know what he had been up to."

On the line

SOMETIMES overheard phone conversations are intriguing.

Rhys James heard a chap on the phone declare: "It's not what you think. Honestly, it's totally not what you think.

"What do you think? Oh, it is what you think."

Tell the time

A COLLEAGUE wanders over to tell us: "I asked my boss if I could leave an hour early.

"He said, 'Only if you make up the time.' So I told him, 'OK. It's 45 past 56'."

Golden gag

DAFT gag of the week? Says a reader: "Guy in the east end of Glasgow, wearing a tracksuit, is sporting a gold watch, and his mates ask him where he got it. 'Won it in a race,' he replied. 'Must have been some race,' said a pal. 'How many people were in it?'

"'Just me and the shopkeeper,' he replied."