I MIGHT not believe in guardian angels but that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to have one.
Step up, Guardian Angel. Sadly lacking in wings and halo, the gadget is a 21st-century piece of kit. Worn as a necklace or bracelet, the Guardian Angel is designed to save its wearer from sticky situations, such as first dates.
Of the handful of dates I've attended, I imagine it was my companion who was in desperate need of a swift exit but this is designed specifically for women. The device has a button that, when pressed, calls the wearer's mobile phone with a fake emergency call, giving her the excuse to walk away.
The Guardian Angel has a secondary feature. If your date's not simply unfortunate but, rather, truly disastrous, you can hold down the button for three seconds and the device will send your GPS co-ordinates to a friend. Shame it can't instruct the waiter to throw something hot over the bloke at the same time. Mainly, though, the makers say it can help you escape dodgy, not dangerous, dates.
Should the guy be a bore or order for you or talk overly-fondly of his mother/ex/cat, you can push the button and jettison yourself out of there like the coward you are.
Because, let's face it, if you can't just lay £10 on the table to cover the cost of your drinks and walk out of a bar, you're a coward. Take it from one who knows. I can't begin to count the number of awkward situations I've sat through, quietly sweating and desperate to be rescued. Like the London train where two gents from Ainderby Quernhow repeatedly sat a cardboard box with a rat in it on my knee while I pretended not to care. They also had a ferret in a birdcage, which would have been preferable to the rat, but was too big to fit.
The Guardian Angel makers have missed a trick, sticking to dodgy dates. The applications of this device are endless.
Drunks on buses. I'm forever stuck talking to drunks on buses. And at bus stops. And in bars, where they have more right to be than I do but still no right to invade my personal space.
Such a device would be fabulous for escaping univited doorsteppers - Jehovah's Witnesses, canvassers, members of the press. For evading forced chit-chat with racist/sexist/dull taxi drivers. For avoiding difficult questions from your boss.
Of course, you could just learn to assert yourself but why bother when technology creates such gifts for the socially awkward?
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article