THERE are several clear indicators of summer, which I have now ticked off, even this early in June.
I have seen the first naked beer belly at the bus stop (at 8.10 am, mark you); there are queues in the evenings outside the local ice-cream shop (entailing, in a sad commentary on modern Britain, lots of double-parked cars); the postman is wearing shorts; and the TV schedulers aren't throwing away any good stuff on a populace, who, by their reckoning, are in the pub if they're not in the garden.
Television executives seem to follow the oyster rule (don't have one in a month that doesn't have an "R" in it) when it comes to planning their line-ups; you'll never get a Broadchurch or a Line of Duty launching in May, June, July or August.
What we'll get instead is one of the curses of the 21st century, the celebrity-based reality show. Ten years ago, the BBC repackaged an old favourite, Come Dancing, by inserting a babble of bubbleheads, and the result, Strictly Come _Dancing, was a ratings sensation. Since then, everyone, it seems, has tried to follow suit.
Tonight is a case in point: just 25 days after Masterchef ended, BBC One begins six weeks of Celebrity Masterchef, with Jodie Kidd, Sophie Thomson, Todd Carty, Susannah Constantine and Russell Grant first up. And tomorrow, STV launches eight weeks of All-Star Mr & Mrs with David Hasselhoff, Amanda Lamb and Brian McFadden.
Meanwhile, the aptly-named Pointless Celebrities is already in full swing, and digital viewers have been Keeping Up With The Kardashians so long they'll be overtaking them any day now. What, I wonder, will be coming next? We've had celebrity cooking - will we get celebrity gardening or celebrity DIY?
A TV executive, who shall remain nameless (since his colleagues are faceless) suggests:
l I'm A Celebrity, Get Me In There: a look at how the jungle line-ups are chosen each year, with episodes featuring the selection of the token Bikini Shower Girl, the token Fading American Celebrity, the token Oldie and the token Pain In the Neck.
l Vacation, Vacation, Vacation: a look at the busy lives of our MPs.
l Celebrity Big Brother's Bit On The Side: Starring Ryan Giggs.
l Celebrity Call My Bluff: At long last, a televised encounter between David Cameron and Alex Salmond.
Incidentally, Celebrity Law & Order has had to be cancelled. Falkirk MP Eric Joyce turned them down in favour of Celebrity Boxing.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article