Artist David Mach this week declared HP sauce quintessentially British.
A bold choice indeed. The Fifer was making a shout out for empty sauce bottles so he can use them to capture the essence of Britishness, as he sees it, in an upcoming art installation at the Saatchi Gallery. In the interests of neutrality and balance, I thought it only right and proper to flag up the quintessentially Scottish.
Shortbread. Only in Scotland could bread actually be a biscuit.
A good debate. To foreign ears, the sound of a Scottish accent engaged in lively banter has been described as akin to that of two terriers fighting with a rag.
Scotch pies. Beloved of football fans everywhere, the clue is in the name when it comes to apportioning blame for this most beloved of foodstuffs. For generations, ravenous Scots have chowed down on these dubious treats. For hard-core carb fans, the scotch pie can be enjoyed within a bread roll. In recent times, a low-fat version has been created to allow waist-watchers to partake.
Highland Toffee. Surely the most delightful way to lose a filling.
Tenements. Both Edinburgh and Glasgow are still dominated by 19th-century tenement housing. Many of the inferior warrens constructed to replace them have since been pulled down.
Weather-based mood swings. The joyful abandon with which the natives greet a burst of sunshine is unprecedented. Within a nano-second of the clouds parting, Scottish parks resemble saunas as yards of blue flesh is enthusiastically unveiled, the air fills with the whiff of barbecue and suddenly everyone is a-whooping and a-skipping. Indeed, only in Scotland could there exist a weather website that divides the forecast simply into "Taps Aff" and "Taps Oan".
Talking of weather, surely another defining characteristic of the Scottish male is a peculiar form of climate denial that refuses to accept the existence of rain. When faced with a cloud burst, many of our menfolk refuse to don a jacket or use a brolly, preferring instead to simply bow the head and hunch the shoulders up towards the ears; aka the "Scottish umbrella".
Interacting with strangers on public transport. There is obviously a sliding scale of interaction that ranges from the brief exchanges of rush hour to the wild, raucous abandon of the last train home, where everyone is your pal and chips are for sharing.
GSOH. The ability to not take ourselves too seriously. See above.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article