AH, Glasgow barmen.

It's time we had a story or two about them again.

Tom Rafferty tells us: "My office is in Glasgow, and we have regular visits from colleagues and customers from England.

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"One of our senior chaps was up from Manchester, and several of us went for a drink after work.

"He had been enjoying a summertime drink in his garden over the weekend, and so he asked for the same thing here. A Malibu and Diet Coke.

"The barman's response was a raised eyebrow, and the question, 'In the same glass?'"

Sweet support

"I HOPE Switzerland win today," said the woman in the west end coffee shop yesterday.

Her male companion looked impressed that she was showing an interest in the World Cup. "Why's that?" he asked, presumably hoping for an exposition on the team's defensive qualities.

"I like chocolate and watches," his coffee companion replied.

Taking a stand

AN England fan phoned The Diary yesterday to tell us: "I just can't get excited about a sporting event where a government has spent millions funding it, yet people live in squalor and deprivation in a country where drugs are rife and life expectation is very low.

"But enough of the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow - the World Cup has started."

Safe bet

AS we search for humour in the independence debate, Conservative MSP Murdo Fraser tells us of the chap who declared: "Think I'll bet all my savings on a No vote. If it's Yes, they'll be worthless anyway."

Absent father

FATHER'S Day yesterday, and Adam Hess reminisces: "My dad used to be at work so much during the week, I thought he was just a man who stayed at my house at weekends to give me cycling lessons."

First impressions

A READER is still pondering after hearing a woman on his bus into Glasgow tell her companion: "Some people are quick to judge. I always notice that right away with some folk."

Different recipe

SOMEHOW we mentioned a couple of stories about pepper, which provokes David Kirkwood into telling us: "A famous chef in an illustrious Glasgow establishment, realising he was short of ingredients, asked his trainee chef from the east end of Glasgow to go out and get assorted peppers.

"Back he came with the Daily Record, The Sun, and The Herald."

Top dollar

AS ithers see us. A reader in America sends us a joke from his local newspaper. By the way, it does actually say "Hoot", as the typesetter presumably thought "Hoots" was a mistake.

Anyway, it states: "A Scotsman, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast when he found it would cost $50 to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee. 'Hoot mon,' he said, 'in Scotland it wouldna ha' been more than $20.'

"'That might be true," said the travel agent, 'but you have to take into account that is water on which our Lord himself walked.'

"'Well, at $50 for a boat,' said the Scotsman, 'it's no wonder he walked'."