OUR tales of film star Lauren Bacall's visits to Scotland remind former STV reporter Bob Cuddihy of Lauren appearing on a Paul Coia show in Edinburgh alongside Lanarkshire singing duo Fran and Anna, who were determined to have their picture taken afterwards with the screen legend.

Says Bob: "Interview over, Bacall threw on her massive fur coat and headed for the exit at speed. Not to be outdone Fran and Anna set off in hot pursuit, eventually clutching a corner of the mink each. Within sight of the main door and her waiting limo Bacall stopped, gathered up her coat, and with a flick she sent Fran and Anna whirling backwards, announcing, 'Now girls, that will be enough'."

Smoke signals

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A GLASGOW reader tells us about his office being evacuated earlier this week because the fire alarm rang. Immediately his boss went into overdrive by donning one of these hi-viz jackets and ushering everyone outside. Once on the pavement the excitable boss gazed at the building and declared: "I smell smoke! Does anyone else smell smoke?"

The office junior, who had lit up a fag behind him, never said a word.

Games on

A POSTSCRIPT to Motherwell boxer Reece McFadden winning a bronze medal at the Commonwealth Games. His dad John was later interviewed by Radio 5 Live presenter Nicky Campbell about his boy, and dad John confused Nicky by asking him if he was still selling carpets.

When asked afterwards what he meant, John admitted he got Nicky mixed up with veteran Scots broadcaster Dougie Donnelly, still remembered for those Sterling Carpets television advertisements all those years ago.

Album alert

SKY News announced that Sir Cliff Richard's house was searched and police removed several items. An anxious reader phones: "I pray it's not a new album."

Marked card

A READER from the south side of Glasgow tells us he remembered at work that it was his anniversary that day and managed to get to the card shop near his house on the way home just before it closed.

Congratulating himself on remembering in the nick of time, he asked at the counter where the anniversary cards were.

"Over here," said his wife whom he had not noticed in the shop.

Facing the festival

SO what's been happening at the Edinburgh Festival? Vivienne Clore tells us: "I've just seen a man who has had a really bad face lift. Not sure who looked more surprised."

Steak out

OUR stories about company expenses remind a Bearsden reader of a rep in his company claiming for a meal when he was away on business.

Nothing wrong with that - other than the receipt showed he had devoured a steak, and his girlfriend, the boss's secretary, was a vegetarian, and they had been dating for nearly a year with him claiming he was a vegetarian also. And yes, it was his girlfriend who was processing the expenses claim.

Escape to victory

SO Celtic get reinstated into the European championship. As one Celtic fan tells us: "Have you heard about our new signing? Houdini."