ANOTHER rubbish day in Glasgow. We spot a mandolin busker standing under the awning at BHS in the city centre, but as he plays, the rain comes hurtling down, and every shopper on Sauchiehall Street packs in around him to shelter from the rain. As he is pushed back to the window he gives up playing and starts blowing on his hands to try to keep them warm. Glasgow at The Fair right enough.
WE asked for professional insults and Paul Crilley in Torrance recalls: "How about the underachieving salesman who 'couldn't sell rafts at a shipwreck'."
And entertainer Andy Cameron tells us: "My favourite Johnny Beattie crack, describing an amateur show he'd sat through, 'ah've seen better turns at the eye infirmary'."
IRISH actor and comedian Ardal O'Hanlon of Father Ted fame is to headline the Funny in Falkirk festival this October. A reader remembers seeing Ardal who wished he had been a chat show host before Neil Armstrong passed away. "I would have had him on the show for 25 minutes, and I wouldn't mention the moon once. I'd love to see his face," mused Ardal.
STRANGE names continued. Says Margery Dobson: "For many years a Scots cousin of my mother's had me believing that her twin grandsons, born either side of midnight, were christened Peter Hastie and John Leyton Cumming. Years later I met another distant cousin who told me it was only a joke. I was so disappointed!"
GLASGOW stand-up Janey Godley, appearing at the Edinburgh Fringe this year, but this week working in Ghent, Belgium, used social media to keep us informed of her flight from Edinburgh to Belgium. You can imagine the growing horror as Janey explained: "Why is everyone standing queuing at Ryanair flight? We have allocated seats. Idiots."
Then: "Oh no a man in this queue is drunk and shouted, 'women talking too much' and did the 'yakking' sign with his hand."
Next: "If am sat beside him am going tonto."
She adds: "Drunk man is wearing shorts and has calves tattooed with words MENTAL . Great news."
Then the worst happens and he is sitting next to her. "He just asked me was my bra and seat belt fastened."
Janey reacts: "'Please don't speak to me' I said when he asked, 'why you going to Belgium?' I repeated 'don't speak to me'."
Finally: "Flight is taking off - goodbye."
Have a good trip Janey.
GOSH, Labour leader candidate Jeremy Corbyn is getting attacked on all sides as polls suggest he actually has a chance of winning. As James Martin rather cruelly put it: "Jeremy Corbyn leads poll after successful 'Corbyn for Labour leader' campaign, inspired by 1912 movement, 'Smith for Titanic Captain'."
OUR mention of bus passes reminds Ian Jamieson: "Two couples from Strathaven were going to East Kilbride for a convivial afternoon. Three of the four had bus passes. The ladies boarded first, followed by their husbands. As the first husband collected his ticket, he pointed over his shoulder and said, 'He's paying!' for his pal was a bit younger and did not qualify for a pass.
"Quick as a flash, his pal called out, 'I'm their carer', and the whole bus erupted."
Any more tales from the world of free travel?
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