Those who know me best will know that I jokingly describe myself as a recovering emo kid. Dyed jet black hair, skinny jeans, band t-shirts, checkered Vans, black nail varnish and the occasional black eyeliner (there I said it) but yeah meet the 19-year-old me.

Ten years on I was reminiscing about how the Cathouse used to be a who’s who of Myspace. Yes before the days of Facebook, when we had a top friends list and a chosen song that played every time your profile opened – those in their late 20s will know exactly what I’m talking about. Anyone remember Tom?

The Myspace heyday was the only time I’d ever properly arranged to meet up with people I’d met online. It didn’t really seem that big a deal at the time, there was no obvious danger to it; you were the same age, you discussed in depth your mutual love of Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance, and would later agree “Catty, Friday night.” It was as simple as that. Nowadays however, we have the Catfish era.

I’m not sure how rife it was back in the day, my teen self was probably a little too naïve to spot one, but these days everyone I speak to seems to have been ‘Catfished’ at some point in their life (I almost feel left out). For those of you who aren’t familiar with it the term ‘Catfish’ is the label given to someone who pretends to be someone else online, usually for very questionable reasons.

Normally I like to get involved with the topics I write about, but for obvious reasons I couldn’t bring myself to Catfish someone. Instead I have been engrossed in the Catfish TV series and for the first time watched the movie also. The movie was fascinating, it follows the online relationship of the then 24-year-old Nev Schulman (who now hosts the TV show for anyone who hasn’t seen it) and Megan, a 19-year-old who in truth was a 39-year-old housewife named Angela.

Lying is a major deal-breaker for many people and ‘Catfishing’ you could describe as an extreme form of lying, but it was hard to harbour any feelings of malice towards Angela. She was a housewife in America’s mid-west caring for her severely disabled step-children and found herself being swept away in a much-needed escape from reality, to her it became a hobby. Her actions weren’t entirely excusable but even Nev sympathized with her circumstances and the pair remain firm friends to this day.

So after watching the movie I asked myself two questions; why do we Catfish and why do we fall for it?

For those who do it the only time I can offer any form of understanding or sympathy is when people suffer from crippling anxiety issues and their insecurity leads them to adopt a different persona or in the case of Angela, where reality is sometimes just a little too much to bare. As for the ‘real’ Catfish - hiking, football, cycling, running, and even normal fishing are all hobbies too; they present an opportunity to get outdoors, get fresh air in the lungs and allows the perfect oxygen flow to the brain. Ultimately preventing you from being an eejit.

Relationships are tough enough as it is and life is most definitely too short. There can be no great benefit from doing this, if anything all you are doing is preventing yourself from finding something real of your own. You have to realize there are a lot of very fragile people out there, some of which have waited years to find what you are pretending to give them. Ask yourself what has prompted you to pretend to be someone you are not? Are you just bored or spiteful? Or do you have so many hidden issues of your own that this is the perfect form of denial? You may not realize what you are doing and your intentions may not even be that malicious, but in the words of a close friend of mine – “stop that!”

For those who have fallen for a Catfish, don’t be too hard on yourself. When you first meet someone online you have no reason to believe they aren’t who they say they are. Taking a person on face value is really our only option. I once fell for a girl who told me she was a catwalk model who attended the Royal Ballet School in London – and this was face to face! Sometimes people fall for it because they desperately want to believe its all true, it’s amazing how loneliness or desperation can make you forget every lesson your mother ever taught you. It’s ok to be lonely and very occasionally it’s even ok to be just a tad desperate but don’t set yourself up for a fall by ignoring the warning signs that are always there. How many people in this day and age only have one picture of themselves? Or on the flipside how many people only have a dozen semi-professional photos of themselves bent over in a field? Every picture tells a story, think about it.

Problems with technology are also a classic sign of a catfish. “I can’t call, I can't Skype, I can’t facetime, I don’t have Facebook, no Twitter, no Instagram, in fact I barely have a TV.” Unless their name is Bear Grylls or Alexander Supertramp they are most probably lying.

All in all, if you’re on the wrong end of a catfish just be sure not to tar everyone with the same brush. Don’t allow it to make you cynical and untrusting, just casually take things with a pinch of salt, at least until you know it’s for real. If you are the worst kind of Catfish – put the keyboard to one side, lay off the energy drinks, open the blinds and go outside. There’s someone out there for everyone, even you! As for me, one day I’ll post a picture of my 19-year-old self – if my sister doesn’t beat me to it.

If you’ve ever been involved in a catfish situation (from either side) send me your stories to paulthomasbell@hotmail.com

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything” – Mark Twain