OBVIOUSLY terror threats are no laughing matter. Obviously.
But Mohammad Ali’s to do list has been making me chuckle. Ali was convicted at the Old Bailey this week of attempting to possess a chemical weapon. He’d bought ricin on the Dark Net but sadly for Ali, the salesman was an undercover FBI agent.
Police who searched his computer found a well-ordered To Do list:
Paid ricin guy
Get pet to murder
It’s not clear whether Ali planned to murder the pet or try to train a chinchilla, say, to carry out the poisoning plot on his behalf but I like how he approached the planning stages of his scheme in such a prosaic, ordered manner.
Get pet to murder
Pick up milk
I would never manage my life without lists. There is nothing more relaxing and comforting than corralling all your chores onto one fresh, literally clean sheet and making them stand to attention in a neat line. Lists are the false promise of serenity among chaos.
Much has been made of the list’s threat to quality journalism with the ubiquity of the listicle. You will have read the sort of thing: 12 Pictures of Toddlers that will Haunt Your Dreams. 29 Paving Stones You’d Never Dare to Walk On. 7 Eyeball Modifications That Will Make You Cringe. 34 Listicles to Guarantee You’ll Never Need to Read Another Listicle Again.
I adore listicles. My attention span died two years, nine months and two weeks ago when I joined Twitter. List form means bite size and bite size is about all my depleted brain can handle.
The brain of someone at Glamour magazine in the US is also clearly depleted. Glamour fell foul of a listicle this week – its 13 Little Things That Can Make a Man Fall Hard for You. These included, “Making a big deal out of his favourite meal. Does he like hot dogs cut up into his boxed mac-and-cheese? Serve it on a fancy tray in bed to really see him smile,” and “Stocking the fridge with his favourite drinks. Bonus points: Bring him back to his fraternity days by handing him a cold one as he steps out of the shower.”
Top tip: keep your lists relevant to the present day. 1950s housewifely advice has no place in society, never mind in glorious list form.
Lists take infinity and try to put it in some sort of order, giving the promise of completion while demonstrating that completion will never be possible. A list, by its very nature, will never end - there’s always another eyeball to be modified - but part of the pleasure is the thrill of the chase.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel