As many of you will no doubt know, tonight sees the return of the Great British Bake Off. Leafy suburbs and council estates alike will turn into ghost towns as we collectively brew a cup of Earl Grey and sit down to watch people with nice accents battle it out with spatulas in a big tent.
Thirteen million of us watched last year’s finale – that’s more than tuned in to see Germany beat Argentina in the World Cup final.
It turns out the only people who won’t be watching are those on the fringes of the Scottish independence movement who view the show as a Unionist conspiracy. The clue is in the title – and the Union Jack bunting - they say. Ah, right o.
These loons are right in one sense, of course. GBBO, as it is known, has had a real and it appears lasting impact upon society.
It’s getting harder to remember life before the show, before everybody and their auntie (or indeed their uncle), was able to whip up a croquembouche or a batch of millefeuille without batting an eyelid.
Ten years ago being offered a slice of home-made Victoria sponge would have been a treat. Now, if it’s not a baumkuchen, complete with 15 layers, you feel hard done by.
The fact that cakes are now just as likely to have been made by a man as a woman is also down to the show. My grandfather, who used to criticise my grandmother’s scones while directing her where to vacuum next, would be turning in his grave if he saw the bearded, tattooed hipsters that invariably reveal themselves to be keen bakers these days.
Some of the societal changes go deeper, of course. Fairy cakes – or “cupcakes” as those impressed by American things insist on calling them - now seem to cost £3 a go instead of 50p. And does anyone really enjoy that horrible sickly “frosting” that is almost always piped on top?
The competitive, smug nature of modern baking is also irritating, as anyone whose workplace has a cake club will have observed. Telling everyone you used Madagascan vanilla pods in your sponge is not impressive. In fact, it makes you an idiot.
The effect the programme has had on interior design, meanwhile – retro flowery tea-towel and matching over-priced food mixer anyone? - leaves me utterly cold.
So, will I be watching? Oh, of course I will. GBBO is as addictive as the copious amounts of sugar the contestants get through. I even bought a nice box of Earl Grey specially. But I draw the line at bunting. Union Jack or otherwise.
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