So, footballer Jermain Defoe is offering £50-£60k a year – what he earns in a week – for a new PA.

I’m tempted, obviously. Who wouldn’t be? But before I rush off to fill out an application, I suppose I’d better consider the range of skills needed to bag this job of a lifetime.

According to an advert placed on employment website SecsintheCity, not only will the successful candidate be charged with organising the Sunderland striker’s diary, creating a global brand worthy of his name, helping design a new clothing line and fragrance, managing a portfolio of properties and producing smartphone apps, they’ll also be responsible for organising the Defoe family’s domestic arrangements (and those of the pets, obviously). Daily duties include ensuring Jermain’s fridge is full at all times, organising his lunch and, crucially, picking up the dry cleaning.

The regular hours of the role are 9.30am, to 5.30pm, apparently, but the ad makes clear some out of hours and weekend work will be necessary. (This is summed up in the bit that says the postholder will be “on call 24/7”).

On second thoughts, maybe this isn’t the job for me. After all, I’ve no experience of creating global brands. Or picking up dry cleaning.

So, who does have the skills to take on this formidable challenge?

If I was Joan Holloway from Mad Men, right now I’d be polishing my CV with confidence. TV’s most famous secretary surely has all the right attributes: absolute discretion, the ability to juggle different tasks, a 1960s attitude to the boss/PA relationship.

Or what about Mary Poppins? Being practically perfect in every way sounds like a minimum requirement if you want to work for Jermain, who clearly has something of a Louis XIV complex.

Okay, perhaps pointing out that Premiership footballers tend to be monstrously overpaid oiks that wouldn’t know a moral compass if it hit them in the goolies is hardly original.

But this advertisement, in all its grim, irony-free glory, surely serves a purpose by offering a rare, unguarded peak into the world of the super rich. And what do we find? Nothing much of substance, by the look of things. Certainly nothing worth working 24/7 for.

Which is probably just as well. If we really, truly, envied these modern Sun Kings their vacuous lives then who knows where it would all end. Louis XVI, of course, lost his head.

In the meantime, let’s wish Jermain all the best in finding the right person for the job. In fact, what’s Katie Hopkins doing these days? She certainly knows how to build a brand…