AS others see us. The stylish arts magazine The New Yorker sent a reporter over to Glasgow to write a piece on the staging of Alasdair Gray's Lanark at the Citizens Theatre. Trying to explain the phenomenon that is Alasdair he wrote: “Most people I know have an Alasdair Gray story,” Beatrice Colin, a writer and professor at the University of Strathclyde, told me recently, “most of them unprintable. To give you an example, I once heard that he threw a party in his flat. When it was late and he wanted everyone to leave, rather than ask them politely, he took all his clothes off and stood at the door naked until people got the message.”

We don't want to worry New Yorker readers, but we've heard of a few folk who have done that in Glasgow, not just Alasdair.

A READER phones to tell us that Glasgow's city centre can still be a colourful place. He says the girl in front of him in a taxi queue at the weekend told her pal: "Ah was mortified. Ah stood behind a guy thinking he was using a cash machine as ah wanted to take some money out. Turns out he was only leaning against a wall having a pee."

A PIECE of social etiquette from a chap in a Glasgow pub the other night who declared: "When someone shows me their new wean I find that saying 'He looks just like you' is a good way of saying that's some ugly baby without giving offence."

SO that's transfer deadline day over for another few months. As Irish bookies Paddy Power ?commented: "Scientists have predicted that by the year 2020, you will never be more than six foot away from someone who is 'on loan from Chelsea'."

And putting the gap between English and Scottish clubs into perspective, novelist Val McDermid commented: "Manchester City achieve a net spend of £130m in the transfer window. That would keep my club RaithRover going for the next 250 years."

WE mentioned the Edinburgh Festival coming to an end for another year. But as we wave goodbye to all the thespians and eager young Oxbridge actors, Cheryl Caira tells us about one pitfall an actress faced. Says Cheryl: "Noni Stapleton, star of TV drama Penny Dreadful, was at Spotlites with her show Charolais, about a jealous rivalry between a woman and her boyfriend’s prize heifer. Before the festival, Noni previewed the show at a cattle mart to give the performance an authentic feel.

"Arriving on stage to start the show, Noni could only look on aghast as two Friesian cattle paraded on behind her and started eating the set. Obviously one of the farmers at the auction hadn’t got the memo, and had decided to present his livestock to the awaiting crowd. The audience, of course, applauded the chaos thinking it was all a part of the show."

OH and we liked the comment of New Zealand comedian Heidi O'Loughlin, talking about coming to the UK, who remarked: "The first thing I did when I got here was get myself a Waitrose card so I could get my free coffee. That’s what I call milking the system.”

TOUGH buying clothes when you've put on a bit of weight on your holidays. A Lenzie reader says she was in a cheap and cheerful clothes shop at the weekend where a woman tried on a tight-fitting jumper then said out loud: "Wouldn't it be great if there was a size called 'extra medium'?"