SO the planet Mars has water, according to the latest scientific claims. Not everyone got too excited as Liza Dixon commented: "How long before we're paying for overpriced bottles of Mars water?"

A READER swears to us he was out in Glasgow's west end with a mate who went to chat to a young woman further along the bar. After a while he came back and told him: "She studies psychology at the uni. She claims I'm a narcissist who misjudges social situations. Do you think she's trying to get off with me?"

TEENAGERS and technology continued. A south side reader tell us he tried to upbraid his young daughter for staring at her mobile phone when she was walking along the road. "You'll bump into something if you don't look up," he told her.

"Not a problem," she replied. "I've got fantastic satnav on the phone guiding me."

He almost believed her.

THE problems for entertainers and celebrities using social media is that they open themselves to all sorts of abuse and criticism. So we admire Glasgow comedy writer Brian Limond's sang-froid - he wrote the Limmy sketch show for BBC Scotland - when someone on Twitter accused him: "You are the Labour Party of Twitter. You sold out the proletariat for your shot at fame and fortune amongst the elite."

Limmy smoothly replied: "Sold oot years ago. Use to tell folk in Fury's that I stayed in Thornliebank when it was actually Carnwadric." Goodness, you really have to know your Glasgow geography to get that one.

SO how chatty do you like your shop assistants to be? A reader visiting relatives in Surrey was in a local shop where the young chap behind the counter said with an American accent to a stiff-backed local: "Hi there. How are you doing today?" The elderly chap merely replied: "You're not in America now, so you can keep that to yourself."

GREAT weather just now. However Alan Stephen from Clarkston tells us: "In the midst of this Indian Summer I overheard two well-jacketed furry-hated OAPs on the bus to East Kilbride with one commenting, 'Oh it's cold today'. 'Well at least it's not snowing' says the other. I didn't know whether to go home and get the snow shovels in case they knew something I didn't."

LABOUR leader Jeremy Corbyn in his speech to the Labour Party conference yesterday wanted young people to express themselves - "let's make our young people's fizz explode," he exhorted. Inevitably a reader phones to ask: "So is that a return to champagne socialism?"

A BEARSDEN reader tells us he was stopped by the police while driving the other day - the first time in nearly 40 years of motoring. When the police officer walked up to his car and asked: "Do you know why I stopped you?" he fought down the urge to reply: "Are you serious? Have you forgotten already?"

TOO late, a colleague catches our eye and comes over to tell us: "My wife is leaving me because she says I'm obsessed by quizzes. Is she a) Overreacting b) Unfair or c) Irritating?"