THE BBC reported that the RAF and a Royal Navy frigate were attempting to find a Russian submarine spotted off the Scottish coast. A reader phones to tell us not to worry, as wasn't it the case that Russian submarines were commanded by Sean Connery?

SUPERMARKET chain Tesco has announced that Brussels sprouts are going to be huge this year because of the mild weather. "I doubt I could manage a whole cabbage alongside my turkey," says Terry McGeary in East Kilbride.

PARTICK Thistle and intellectual fans continued. John Sword recalls being at a Thistle game where the referee was getting pelters for chalking off goals and missing fouls on players. One fan thought it would be fun to express his anger at the referee in a very theatrical way by shouting at him in Latin. When the ref was coming off at half-time, says John, he gestured at the loud fan and told him: "Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa" as he trotted towards the tunnel.

TIME to bring down the curtain on our Glasgow Empire stories with Barry Wilson in Paisley recalling: "The theatre was full for singer Max Bygraves’ first appearance in Glasgow. But when Max started, the audience just sat there, and after 20 minutes he asked for the house lights to be put on, said he was doing his best, but that no-one seemed to be enjoying his performance. If anyone wanted to leave, he would make sure that they got their ticket money back.

"No-one left, the house lights went out, Max continued his act, the audience started to warm up, and by the end, they made him stay on stage for an extra 30 minutes."

A READER sends us a story from America where a young chap confesses: "About a month ago I got a barcode tattoo. I thought it would be funny to ask the assistant in the supermarket to scan it. Apparently I'm a packet of condoms. I hate my tattoo artist."

WE mentioned the travel book My Scotland By Its Famous Sons and Daughters. We should add impersonator Rory Bremner's love of the Borders where he and his wife have bought an old mansion house. As he explains: "The Border folk are genuine and friendly, with a great sense of perspective and humour. During the Referendum campaign, I was at a country show in Duns where there was a ‘Yes’ tent and a ‘No’ tent. I eavesdropped outside each one. The people in the ‘Yes’ tent were talking about the future. In the ‘No’ tent they were fussing about currency. I spotted a Lib Dem tent, and went to listen. As I approached the tent I heard a voice inside saying, 'So how are your tomatoes, Donald?'”

TALKING of the referendum, and Alex Salmond's subsequent move from being First Minister to an MP at Westminster, Roy Scobie in Lenzie tells the yarn of Alex trying to have a suit made at a tailor's in Edinburgh, but after measuring him, the tailor said that alas Alex's suit would need three and a half yards of cloth, but he only had three yards in the one he wanted.

It was only when he was down in Westminster that Alex saw a similar cloth in a tailor's there so he went in to be measured. "Three yards of cloth" said the tailor. "But they told me three and a half in Edinburgh," said Alex.

"Ah, but your not such a big man in London as you are in Edinburgh," replied the tailor.