WE somehow began tackling the stories of legendary referee "Tiny" Wharton, and an Edinburgh reader recalls the Hearts winger Johnny Hamilton in the sixties who, like a number of players at that time, had false teeth, which he left in the dressing room while playing. In one particular game Johnny was booked early on, and then in the second half was involved in another altercation and was called over by Tiny. Says our reader: "Tiny merely pointed towards the tunnel and told him, 'The time has come, Mr Hamilton, for you to rejoin your teeth'."

A GLASGOW reader swears to us he heard a young woman on his bus into town tell her pal that she had failed her driving test last week. When her pal ask what happened she replied: "Apparently sending a text and checking Facebook isn't the right answer to 'What do you do at a red light?'"

WHO knew the international appeal of Scottish football. Aberdeen player Jonny Hayes is recovering after having stitches in a hand-wound following being bitten by a dog. Elise, who writes for a French website about British football, rather amusingly wrote: "Jonny Hayes attaqué par un chien. Moi, par un pigeon. Les animaux commencent à se venger des humains."

A LANARKSHIRE pensioner tells us that as her husband has stopped drinking, and opening a bottle of wine just for herself would be a waste, she has taken to buying the very small bottles of wine, with only enough for a glassful, for her to enjoy at dinner. She was buying half a dozen of said bottles in her local supermarket when the check-out girl gushed: "Aw they're wonderful! You can keep them in your handbag and have a drink whenever you want!" Our senior citizen is concerned that she looks like someone who needs a drink at every turn.

OUR tales about how much people enjoyed the late Terry Wogan remind Chris Jones in Giffnock: "Being a regular listener to Terry Wogan I always laughed out loud at his regular exchanges with Jimmy Young before their programme hand over. In particular the time when there was a loud noise in the studio and Terry said, 'Don’t worry - it was only Jimmy Young falling off his commode'."

And John Cameron in Troon says: "A listener wrote in to tell Terry he had visited the loo but instead of a toilet roll, he found a packet of new-style wipes. Only afterwards did he realise they were actually bleach-impregnated wipes for cleaning the bathroom. His final comment was, 'not too much harm done. Just slight tingling in the nether regions and a few unexpected blonde highlights'. Only Wogan could have got away with that on morning radio."

MANY are the difficulties of having teenage children. A Lenzie reader emails to tell us: "My children sure do make a lot of plans for people who are unable to drive themselves anywhere."

AS others see us. A reader in America sends us a cutting from his local newspaper’s funny page which includes: “A waiter held a tray at a Scottish party and the guest looked at the little sticks with ham and cheese and asked, ‘Canapé?’ The Scottish waiter replied, ‘No, you’re alright. They’re free’.”

A DEATH certificate has finally been issued for missing peer Lord Lucan. Guy Lambert ?puts tongue in cheek in order to remark on social media: "Not Lord Lucan too?! Damn you 2016!!"