HANSARD, the official report on the House of Commons, includes all the fiery speeches of Winston Churchill, Tony Benn, and others. But it was perhaps the first time that it ventured into the eating habits of the lonely when Glasgow SNP MP Steward McDonald spoke on the cancelled Glasgow rally of Daryush Valizadeh. As Hansard noted, Stewart thundered: "Does the Minister agree that any event planned to coach men how to coerce women into having sex, is not a free speech issue? Will she join me in condemning the sick-minded halfwits who support these events, and does she welcome the fact that this weekend they will now be sitting in their underpants, eating cold ravioli from a tin?"

Girls school educated Home Office minister Karen Bradley replied dubiously: "The Honourable Gentleman conjures up quite an image - I think I will leave it at that!"

FANS of TV series Friends who like to sing its theme song will appreciated the reader who phoned to tell us: "Matt LeBlanc from Friends was named as a presenter on Top Gear, but he's been sacked already. Apparently it's because he was always stuck in second gear."

NOT a good start for Scotland in the Six Nations rugby, losing to England. As John Niven put it: "Scotland must dig deep now - all the way to New Zealand so they can grab a couple of All Blacks and put them on as ringers."

Perhaps a tad too bitter was the fan who declared: "All those English rugby supporters will have a grand night out in Edinburgh, before hitting the road back to their homes, in Edinburgh."

TIME to blow the whistle on our tales of the late Tom "Tiny" Wharton, the giant of a referee in Scotland. John Gilligan recalls the classic tale: "Rangers and Scotland legend Wee Davie Wilson tells of the time he was caught ever so slightly by a tackle from the erudite John Lambie. Down went Davie. 'Penalty' said Tiny. 'That was never a ******* penalty!' screamed John. 'I'm afraid it is Mr Lambie. And if you don't believe me, read the Sunday Post in the morning,' said Tiny."

AND Lisbon Lion Bertie Auld recalled, when he played for Birmingham City in a Fair Cities cup tie again Espanyol, his English team-mates urged him to say something nice to the referee, Tiny Wharton, when he came to check the studs before the game. So Bertie ventured: "Well how about that, you and me the only Scots on the pitch in a big European tie."

Tiny said nothing, but in the second half he went over to Bertie after a wild challenge and told him: "Remember when you said there would be two Scots on the pitch tonight Mr Auld? Now there's only going to be one. Off you go."

ROD Stewart is returning to play two dates at Glasgow's Hydro in December after opening the concert hall in 2013. We remember that on a previous visit Rod stopped at one of his favourite pubs, the Wee Barrel in Paisley, en route to Glasgow Airport, and bought everyone inside a drink - don't get excited, it's not that big a pub. Anyway, an old fellow in the corner, perhaps not au fait with music, raised his glass and called over: "Thanks son. Did you have a wee win on the horses?"

RASING teenagers, continued. A reader emails: "My daughter asked me what it was like when I was her age. So I took all her electronics away and made her play with a Rubik's Cube. She wasn't happy."

NEWS from south of the border where 10,000 Liverpool fans left Anfield on the 77th minute of their game in protest at plans to put up ticket prices to £77. It appears the club board responded by saying the top price would in fact be £90.