WISE words from Tory deputy leader Jackson Carlaw when the new MSPs gathered at the Scottish Parliament last week.

As he warned the fresh intake: "In the parliamentary session before last, Shirley-Anne Somerville, Derek Brownlee and I were all nominated for the 'One to watch' category in the Glasgow Herald politician awards. That is a dangerous nomination to receive, as Shirley-Anne and Derek promptly lost their seats thereafter.

"Any member who finds they are nominated for the award this year should decline it immediately and not have any association with it."

OH and Labour leader Kezia Dugdale can come across as a bit whiny at times, so we commend her touch of humour when she remarked about the new SNP Government: "I congratulate the First Minister on once again securing a gender-balanced Cabinet. I warn her though that if she continues to insist on a 50/50 split in her Cabinets, she will have to convince Parliament that the men are all there on their merits."

CONGRATULATIONS to Hibs winning the Cup after waiting over a century, although it was marred of course by the pitch invasion, and the Hampden sward being dug up. It was surely too harsh though of the Kilmarnock fan who remarked: "I've seen Trainspotting, and know that those Hibs fans will now be heading to Dobbies to try and sell that turf for drugs money - tragic."

ANDREW Foster in Canada explains to us: "While dozing near the end of the flight back from Glasgow a few days ago, I was woken by a voice saying, 'Mince?' which sounded a bit odd. I struggled to open an eye or two to see a tray of mints being held in front of me. Strange how a few weeks back in Glasgow will reprogramme the mind."

RELATIONSHIPS continued. A reader hears a chap in a Glasgow pub at the weekend ask his pals: "Why is it, whenever she says, 'We need to talk" it's never about football or what pub to go to?"

OUR tales of Glasgow fans at concerts remind Stanely McLeish in Cathcart of attending a concert many years ago in Glasgow of jazz guitarist Eddie Condon and his band, the Eddie Condon All-Stars. Says Stanley: "They performed the first half with Condon controlling the band from the front, and his guitar lying idle on a stand beside him.  

"Finally in a great booming voice with a broad Glasgow accent, someone bellowed, 'Have you forgot your plectrum?' The place erupted in laughter."

A READER phones to tell us: "Whenever I bump into someone who says, 'Long time no see,' I just reply, 'I know. We're really not that good friends'."

WILLIE McNish was in a shop on Arran where he saw a notice for "Beardoodle" pups, and was wondering just how large they must be until he later learned that they are a cross between a poodle and a bearded collie.