YOU get some memorable conversations waiting for a bus in Glasgow. Says Mary Duncan: "I recently was at a bus stop in the East End, bus pass at the ready, when an elderly chap, perhaps a wee bit the worse for drink, said to me, 'Is that you using' yer mother's bus pass?' When I turned to get on the bus, he turned to his pal and said, 'Ah'll need tae get some new chat-up lines'."

THE obituary in The Herald of Scots actor Alan Young explained that apart from appearing in the American TV series Mr Ed, he was also the voice of Disney character Scrooge McDuck, who, in one episode, revealed that he had gone to America from Glasgow as a cabin boy before making his fortune. This story of Scrooge's origins is in fact confirmed by Glasgow City Council. On the council's website, under "Famous Glaswegians" the name Scrooge McDuck, described as "the richest duck in the world" is included.

A READER in Botanic Gardens at the weekend passes on a conversation he heard amongst some student-types who were discussing fishing, and how stupid fish were. Finally one student argued: "They don't seem that stupid to me. If a pie dropped out of the sky and just hung there above my head, I'd take a bite at it."

AN AYRSHIRE reader was at his golf club where he heard a fellow member's complaint which he is sure many older readers will identify with. The golfer bewailed: "When I'm hungry I can eat. When I'm bored I can put the telly on. When my bladder's full I can go for a pee. So why is it I can't sleep when I'm tired?"

THE Tories are still bothered about Nicola Sturgeon threatening another independence referendum if the country's circumstances change. As Tory deputy leader Jackson Carlaw memorably put it in the Scottish Parliament last week: "I discovered in the Radio Times that Nicola Sturgeon is starring in a science fiction drama, playing herself in The Kraken Wakes. In the drama there has been an apocalypse. The world has been invaded by aliens. Most of Britain is under water. I have heard what she says. She says, 'This represents a material change in circumstances and I therefore intend to..."

THE LIVES of children, continued. A reader in a West End newsagent's heard an exasperated mother tell her young daughter to hurry up in choosing what sweets she wanted. But the young thing stood her ground and replied: "This is the most difficult decision I've ever had to make in my life."

"If only," thinks our reader.

LONDON comedian Simon Caine, who is returning to the Edinburgh Fringe this August, was musing on social media that he is getting old. As he put it: "Once I got so drunk I woke up in a bush with no clothing on my lower half. Now I'm googling how to keep avocados fresh."

TALKING of social media, we pass on the message posted by American TV station NBC News which sated: "Isis fighters are shaving bears and hiding in civilian homes to avoid airstrikes."

Two minutes later it added: "Correction: it was beards, not bears."