A READER flying back to Glasgow from a hot and sunny holiday in Portugal tell us that there was a collective groan in the cabin when the chief steward announced that they would shortly be landing, and that the weather in Glasgow was rain. Hearing the negative comments the steward then added: "Oh come on, it's Glasgow, not Barbados. What were you expecting?"

WE are in the Glasgow Fair holiday fortnight just now, but of course it is no longer as memorable as it used to be. We recall when Blackpool was inundated with Glaswegians at The Fair, and a reader told us he was outside a Gypsy Rose Lee fortune-telling booth on Blackpool's Golden Mile when he heard a Glaswegian, who'd had a few drinks, loudly ask: "Don't tell me any o' that relationship rubbish. I just want tae know - whit hotel am I stayin' in?"

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SCOTS-BORN broadcasters Kirsty Young and Eddie Mair have been voted Britain's favourite male and female radio voices in a Radio Times poll. Eddie recalled when they both worked at Radio Scotland and Kirsty was offered a job with STV. Said Eddie: "She asked for my advice and I said, 'Kirsty, don’t do it. No one will ever hear from you again'.”

Incidentally, Eddie is one of the more laconic radio presenters in a world all too often inhabited by the excitable. We recall him once announcing: "We now go over for an update from our correspondent in Paris. The following report does contain some accordion music."

A READER reminiscing about the changes in his job over the years tells us: "If I could tell my 12-year-old self that my job in the future would involved using passwords every day, I fear he would think it was going to be a lot more exciting than it actually is."

BILL Lothian was standing with Alison Brown, organiser of the Great Scottish Greyhound Gathering held at Musselburgh Racecourse on Saturday, who was delighted that the Red Arrows display team was going to fly over en route to Scotland's National Airshow. She then took a phone call, and her heart sank as an RAF-type with the Red Arrows told her: "Terribly sorry, change of plan.”

He then added: "Instead of coming over at 12.42 and 45 seconds, it will now be 12.43. Hope this is ok.”

Bill reckons it's the first time that anyone has ever apologised for being 15 seconds late. Mind you, if you are flying with the Red Arrows, 15 seconds is probably pretty important, we reckon.

A SOUTH Side reader tells us: "My young son just asked if I could please get my funeral planned so he can get a free Amazon voucher from the funeral company whose ad he saw on the telly..."

BIG vote on Trident in the Commons last week of course. Glasgow stand-up Frankie Boyle mused: "I was sure we’d never need Trident to stop other states from attacking us. But then Boris Johnson was made Foreign Secretary and I thought, ‘could be time for a rethink’."

READ MORE: Rosemary Goring: Labour in danger of falling into hands of bullies and thugs

A HILLHEAD reader swears to us that she saw a friend buying a pregnancy testing kit in the local chemist. When her pal turned round and saw her, she remarked: "Nothing to worry about. It's just that when I'm having a really bad day I like to take a pregnancy test to remind myself that things could be much worse."