BIG event for teenagers yesterday was the results of the Highers being published. These days you can't even blame the postie for them not arriving as they also get sent by email. Anyway, amongst the folk taking to social media to brag about their string of As was the young woman who merely stated: "Well the main thing is that I've got my health."

Airline Ryanair tried to get in on the act by announcing: "Tip: book your flight before you show your parents your results."

OTHERS tried to help youngsters by commenting on how the exam results were not the end of the world, and how people went on to achieve great things even without great qualifications. However one chap put such advice in perspective by saying: "Yes I know that people are saying that Einstein dropped out of school and still was a genius. But he didn't drop out to drink booze and start a band - this is important."

WE mentioned dealing with teenagers moping around at home during the school holidays. A reader sends us a photograph of a note left by a mother before she went to work for her offspring. It read: "Today's wifi password can be unlocked by texting a photo of a clean kitchen to me."

Genius.

THE start of the football season reminds Jim Morrison of being on a golfing holiday in Portugal many years ago with friends when the Arsenal team and manager George Graham came into the diner. Says Jim: "The manager stood apart from the players, keeping an eye on them. Fortified with gin, one of our group approached the manager, and managed to get his name wrong. 'Graham George I'd recognise you anywhere' he slurred. 'Let me buy you a drink' 'I only drink double Black Labels' he replied. 'So that's why you're drinking on your own is it?' asked our fortified friend, before collapsing in a heap."

THE OLYMPICS continue. Not every sport is inspiring however. Argues Keith McClory in Houston: "Having watched the 10 metre rifle competition and the extremely high tech rifles used, I feel it would be more appropriate that the winner be presented with a goldfish rather than a medal."

MEANWHILE at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, Glasgow stand-up Janey Godley is a bit nervous about a radio quiz appearance. As she remarked on social media: "Sitting backstage at the BBC tent waiting to do Just A Minute. Am that nervous I might vomit."

Award-winning author Neil Gaiman, noting the show she was doing, cleverly replied: "If you DO vomit, do it without hesitation, deviation or (harder) repetition."

A SHOW at Just The Tonic at the Fringe is "Tony Cowards: Daft Pun" where Tony, well, basically sticks to the title and tells puns.

We ask for his favourites and he tells us:

*My dad was an army engineer who specialised in clearing minefields. He always wanted me to follow in his footsteps.

*Woke up this morning with no idea where the sun had gone. Then it dawned on me.

*My elderly granddad has just exchanged his German sausage for a seabird. Unfortunately he's taken a tern for the wurst.

*My mate told me that he wants to play leapfrog on his own. He really needs to get over himself.