TERRY Wogan's memorial service yesterday, and Moira Love in Cumbernauld recalls: "When the Tall Ships race visited Aberdeen, part of the entertainment was a concert by the Halle Orchestra. Sadly, the programme of popular classics, held outdoors near the beach, was under the flightpath of the many oil rig helicopters heading to and from Dyce airport.,

"As the umpteenth low flying copter passed over, Terry simply looked up and remarked, 'The seagulls are really big up here, aren't they? Just keep playing, lads!' Which they did, just as soon as they stopped laughing."

A MILNGAVIE reader tells us she couldn't help it when she popped into her son's bedroom and noticed he was scowling at his computer. "Having problems?" she asked.

"My computer says it can't see the printer." " I'm not surprised. Look at the mess your room is," she replied.

THE big debate of course in America was Donald Trump v Hillary Clinton with Donald, it has to be said, not acquitting himself well. As David French summed it up: "I felt like I was watching the political Titanic hit the iceberg, back up, and hit it again. Just for fun.”

Another onlooker comments: "Trump actually said afterwards, 'Everyone's saying I won the debate'. That could only be possible if Trump had an imaginary friend named Everyone."

WE liked the remarks on social media by Scots authors Chris Brookmyre and Irvine Welsh discussing the debate, particularly Trump's rambling response on cyber-security when he mentioned that his 10-year-old son was good with computers. Asked Chris: "Who listens to a candidate respond to a security question by rambling about his 10-year-old son having a computer and thinks, 'I'm voting for that guy?' Answered Irvine crisply: "A fellow slavering coked-up Jakey standing alone at the bar in a pub at Christmas."

MEANWHILE in England, the football authorities are investigating allegations that England manager Sam Allardyce secretly negotiated £400,000 deal on how to get round rules on player transfers. Commented Steve Bugeja: "Sam Allardyce is a disgrace and needs to be punished, humiliated and made an example of. Therefore he should continue as England manager."

ACTRESS Ruby Wax is doing a one woman show at the Glasgow Citz next year. Ruby of course was a student at Glasgow Art College many years ago and she memorably commented recently: "I went to Glasgow before it was Starbucked to death - when it was just an ashtray with a couple of stop lights." Yes, happy days.

AH the sympathy of family members. Says Malcolm Allan: "One of my wife's fellow golfers had just recovered from an accident, and explained that while hanging out her washing, she had slipped on the wet grass and broken her leg.

"Her daughter's response? 'Tumble drying!'"

TODAY'S piece of whimsy comes from a Hyndland reader who emails: "People who talk to themselves are more intelligent then those who don't - or at least that's what I like to tell myself."

A READER swears to us he was in a Glasgow pub at the weekend where a young toper told his friends: "My new girlfriend ticks a lot of boxes. Mind you, she did say that it was a bit creepy that I asked her to fill in a survey."

NO matter how busy I looked yesterday, a colleague still felt the need to interrupt me with: "Did I ever tell you that my motto used to be 'Never say never'? I had to change it as it was impossible for me ever to tell people about it."