A GLASGOW reader swears to us he was in a trendy coffeeshop in the city when the barista behind the counter asked the chap behind him in the queue: "Would you like to try our new Old Paradise Street blend, with hints of bittersweet chocolate?"

"Listen pal," replied the customer. "All I want is something that will keep me awake and hopefully not hit any of my workmates."

THE HERALD story about the injury risk to young people using mobile phones reminds Linda Brown in Glasgow: "A Venetian told me how a girl walked out of Harry's Bar, turned left, texting on her mobile, and walked straight into the Grand Canal. When pulled out by some kind passer-bys she berated them for not jumping into the Canal and rescuing her mobile."

THE Still Game comedy show is to return to The Hydro in Glasgow next year. We remember on the last night of the previous sell-out run there. actors Greg Hemphill and Ford Kiernan threw their pensioners' bunnets into the crowd. "You'll get 11 or 12 pound for that on eBay," Ford helpfully told the lucky audience-member who caught his cap.

GLASGOW band Primal Scream are back on tour just now. We remember how nimble the band's Bobby Gillespie was when he was phoned by a Herald journalist on his mobile phone for an interview when Bobby was in a London cab. Bobby told the journalist: "These roads are a nightmare. You used to be able to take a left into York Way from Copenhagen Street, but they've made it so you can't go left any more - you can only turn right."

Without missing a beat he added: "It's a bit like the political situation in this country. I think traffic jams are a great analogy for the way we live."

AN anxious reader phones to ask: "You know this trend of running the surnames of celebrity couples together? Does that mean that Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton will soon be referred to as Clump. "

A NEWS story about cockroaches discovered at the Western General Hospital in Edinburgh reminds Ian Gibson: "When I worked there in the mid-80s we introduced vending machines for night staff so the lights in the dining room were turned off. When the first shift of nursing staff came down to eat and put the lights on there was an outburst of screaming, not just because cockroaches were all over the floor, but some of the ones that were climbing up the curtains fell down on the heads of the staff."

Happy days indeed Ian.

SOME rain in Glasgow the last couple of days. As former England player Rio Ferdinand, in the city for the Celtic game, commented: "I brought sunglasses with me to Glasgow. Ha has ha. Fold up and back in the box."

INCIDENTALLY it was a thrilling three-all draw involving Celtic and Manchester City. Amongst the comments by Celtic fans on social media were:

*Manchester City boss Pep Guardiola said after the game that Celtic play with 12 players. Note to Rangers: it's the fans, not the ref.

*Just woke up and found Celtic manager Brendan Rodgers in bed with my wife. I have tucked him in and away to make him breakfast.

*New found respect for Man. City fans tonight. The way they kept silent for 90 minutes and listened to us singing was first class.