Zombies for Trump

NOT content with claiming the US presidential election has been rigged in advance, Donald Trump has made the sensational claim that 1.8 million dead people would vote on November 8.

As you would expect, his assertion has been soundly mocked online. We liked one crisp response, clearly made by a person who knows his horror movies: “Don of the Dead.”

By hook or by crook

DISCRETION being the better part of valour, we won’t identify the Glasgow venue identified by former New Order bass player Peter Hook thus in his new book, Substance: “The owner was a wonderful old gangster who always looked after you so well.”

Violence at Tiffany’s

WE do, however, like one last anecdote from Hooky’s book, concerning a venue it’s safe to identify: Tiffany’s, on Sauchiehall Street. A particularly raucous New Order gig there in 1983 was notable for missiles and spit coming from the crowd. One black-haired punk with fingerless black gloves was, Hook remembers, a real pain.

The show ended with the band gesticulating at their fans, at which point their fearsome roadie, Slim, materialised, waded into the audience, bellowing: “I’m sick of this! I’ll have the lot of you, you Scottish b*******!”

The audience backed off, but fighting broke out in the street outside. Notes Hook: “As we left we could see people putting their chips down, running into the melee, throwing a few punches and then coming back, picking up the chips to continue eating.

“Weird and wild,” adds Hook. “I love Glasgow.”

Repent at leisure

THE arc of the typical relationship, as summed up in a fortuitous bit of scheduling on Channel 4 last night. 9pm: Married at First Sight. 10pm: Damned.

Have a little faith “SO”, tweets Scots GP and author Gavin Francis while on a visit to Rhode Island, “am in a hotel called ‘Hope’, a street called ‘Benevolent’, a city called ‘Providence’. The universe,” he adds, “must be trying to tell me something.”

A moving tale

SPOTTING yesterday’s story about Joe Loss, Kenny Gillies recalls that, back in 1977, Joe was booked to appear at the Magnum Centre, Irvine as part of the Marymass Festival.

Kenny, a summer student-worker with the local council at the time, was one of a gang of six sent with a van and an open truck to shift a grand piano from Ardrossan Civic Centre to the Magnum on the day of the concert.

They gingerly loaded the piano on to the truck and drove it to the Magnum’s goods entrance but lunchtime intervened before they could unload it. The gang sat in the van, a short distance away, to watch over the truck and its prize cargo.

At which point, Magnum staff started to become aware of the apparently abandoned truck and piano blocking their door. As Kenny and his mates tried not to laugh too loudly, the Magnum boys unloaded the piano and obligingly wheeled it inside.

“Needless to say,” Kenny adds, “they offered no assistance when we returned the next day to return the piano to Ardrossan.”